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SUPER TRUTH: It Is Impossible To Lack Clarity

2/9/2017

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I’m in the middle of dismantling one of my most cherished inner stories.  The one I can easily hide behind without anyone arguing too much...probably because “Hey, I’ve been there.”

The excuse that is too slippery or sexy or some other thing to argue with.

What’s that story?

I CAN’T TAKE ACTION BECAUSE I LACK CLARITY.

Maybe you’ve even said or thought it yourself.  And if you’re a good story teller (which most of us are in our heads...we’ve got heaps of tales we’ve spun to explain why our lives are the way they are), you might actually believe it.

But here’s the thing I’m asking of you.  Stop.  Don’t believe it.  It’s just not true.

How could I possibly say this?!  I mean after all...I don’t know your life situation like you do!

I can say this because I finally realized yesterday in the midst of struggling with a lesson in the “Training Your Inner Warrior” class I am taking with Robin Rice (if you don’t know her, you should...authenticity & brilliance all wrapped up in one) that I have never once, not in my entire life, NOT been able to see exactly what is happening in the present moment.  Never.  

Sure, my “filters” (how I perceive the world) might be coloring what I see to match the stories in my head...but I can in fact see everything around me when I stop, get still, breathe, & just take it all in.

Visibility, on the other hand, is often an issue.  Let me explain.

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When I was in the army flying helicopters, I always knew exactly where I was when I was in the cockpit (or as I liked to call it when we had an all female crew upfront, “the box office”).  The GPS gave me coordinates of my present location.  The altimeter let me know my altitude.  The compass let me know which direction I was facing.  I had complete & utter clarity about where I was at all times.  

Visibility, on the other hand, depended on factors outside the cockpit.  Namely, the weather.  On a clear blue day, the visibility could appear unlimited (although we all know the earth is round...so even on the highest visibility days, there is a limit to how far ahead we can see).  But on a cloudy day, visibility dropped.  It could be anywhere from a few miles to “you’re lucky if you can see the helicopter parked on the pad next to you.”

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Given the choice, I’d bet that most pilots you might ask would prefer to fly on the clear, high-visibility days instead of the cloudy, “I can’t see nothing” ones.  Not that it’s impossible to take off or land in those conditions, advanced instrumentation makes flying quite possible in those circumstances.  But it may not always be advisable.  Nor for that matter, is it anywhere near comfortable.  

Leaving the cockpit for a moment, let’s return to our present day reality.

For me, this includes having a now 3+ pound human growing in my belly.  Let me tell you that my present moment awareness (clarity) during this time has never been better.  It’s hard not to feel every single thing that happens in your body when a tiny, evolving human is simultaneously stepping on your bladder making you have to pee every 27 minutes, whilst also punching your lungs making the act of taking a deep breath a distant, distant memory.

I’m tapped into clarity in a way I never knew existed, aware of every moment.  It’s hard for my mind to wander very far when sometimes I have to stay present just to keep breathing & functioning.  I’m exhausted...but quite clear & present.  The clarity I thought was always eluding me is right here.  Right now.  In every moment.

My visibility on the the other hand, SUCKS!  I mean really, really sucks.  There’s a yoga class I want to go to on Saturday but I am not sure how I will feel that day or if it will be physically possible for me to attend.  Like for real.  Not the kind of “I don’t wanna” mental stuff that gets in the way of me doing things sometimes.  But like truly, can I move into the poses the class will run through?  Today, day 218 of my pregnancy, I feel like I could probably do a one hour yoga class.  But I literally have no idea what day 221 holds for me (especially since my belly seems to be getting bigger by the second in this 3rd trimester).  

Why?  Because I have never experienced day 221 of a pregnancy before.  Who knows if day 219 or 220 is the day I say, “And now I am done working out until this kid gets here.”?  

And never mind the fact my body is experiencing all kinds of changes I can’t predict right now.  In just over 9 weeks, my LIFE is about to experience things I literally cannot wrap my mind around.  People say having a baby turns your world upside down.  What does that even mean?!  And what will that look & feel like for ME!?  My brain literally has no reference point, so how could I possibly plan for that?  Sure, I could try to make a plan (for the sake of having some sense of control over my life)...but deep down I know that plan would only be to keep my fears at bay.  

New stuff is scary.  But it’s also exciting.  That’s why we do it.

And so here I sit, with more clarity than I’ve ever had...and my visibility lower than it’s ever been.  It’s almost as if my life will go through some kind of system-reboot-upgrade-thingy on April 12th (baby’s due date).  

Happily, it turns out I never had a clarity problem.  My internal “cockpit instruments” (breathing, body awareness, my 5 senses, & intuition...my magical 6th sense) were there all along, even if I wasn’t using them to understand my present moment.  

What I have is a visibility issue.  A bigger one than I’ve ever had before. One that keeps me from truly being able to see anything beyond April 12th.  Sure, I can still plan things & make commitments.  But I have to realize it is Leslie version 1.0 making those commitments...and I won’t know what version 2.0 looks like until she gets here.  Some things may not change at all.  Other things will be unrecognizable.

So maybe I’ll just say it like it is...not just to others, but to ME!  I have no clue what happens after April 12th. And for now, commitment levels of “strong maybe” or “sounds fun but I’m not able to commit” are just fine.  When I open the window & see the what the metaphorical weather is like on the day those “strong maybes” roll around, during that particular season of my life, I can make a better decision.

This certainly won’t be the last time I have low visibility in my life.  My future is sure to include many planned changes that affect my visibility (new jobs, moving homes, maybe even more kids) as well as unexpected ones that will kick it in the ass (losing someone I love, natural disasters, world economic collapse, or the myriad other things in life I cannot control).  

But you can be damn sure this is the last time I will EVER say I lack clarity.  It is, in fact, the one thing I have access to when I simply stop, get still, & breathe into the NOW moment I am experiencing.  And the funny thing is that when I do that, all feels right with the world, and I know EXACTLY what action I need to take (which sometimes might be no action at all...not what my over-achiever self likes to hear).

Staying present & swimming in my clarity has never led me astray.  Trying to navigate the murky fog of my low-visibility current situation by pretending I know what the heck is on the other side of it, however, often leaves me wishing I had just slowed my roll & waited for the fog to dissipate.  And many times having to UNDO the actions I took in that fog. 

So for now, I breathe (as deeply as I can with an elbow in my lung).  And wait.  Because it’s not the time for action...which I am actually learning to be quite okay with!

Now if you’ll excuse me, my “clarity-NOW-meter” is indicating the baby is standing on my bladder.  And unless I want to create a self-induced reduction in my visibility by having an accident in my office chair, I gots to go!


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Thank you for reading!! If you enjoyed this post or think someone you know could use a reminder that it's impossible to lack clarity...PLEASE SHARE!!  We all have our excuses.  Sometimes we need reminders from friends that truly see who we are to help us remember that we can take flight at any moment...even if the visibility isn't as good as we'd hoped it would be!

This post brought to you by Leslie Riley (formerly known as Leslie Stein)...who took flight in a jump for joy at the realization that she DOES have clairty after all!!

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SUPER TRUTH: It’s Okay to Suck At Something Important

2/6/2017

2 Comments

 
PictureClick on this image to go to nerdist.com to hear the Elizabeth Gilbert podcast.
My name is Leslie & I absolutely suck at meditation.  I mean really, really suck.  Horrible.  Bad.  Can’t sit still with a clear mind for even 5 minutes a day consistently to save my life.  No matter how many times I’ve tried.

And believe me...I’ve tried.

I’ve listened to recordings. I’ve read books.  I’ve gone to classes.  I’ve hired coaches (and am currently working with one now...so this is truly a never ending quest for me).  Why?!  Because so many people I respect & admire, people who are outrageously successful talk about having a meditation practice.  So it MUST be important, right?!

So I continued to think about it, struggle with it, always wondering why I could never “get it right.”

Then one day, I was listening to Elizabeth Gilbert being interviewed on a podcast I have completely fallen in love with (the “You Made It Weird” podcast with Pete Holmes if you are interested...and I really, really think you should be) where I heard something that let me exhale fully for perhaps the first time ever.


She said she’s a horrible meditator.  Like really bad at it.  Doesn’t even try anymore to have a daily practice.  

But it wasn’t just that she said it...it was the WAY she said it.  She sounded...wait for it…

HAPPY!

It was as if she was okay being a deeply creative & spiritual person who just doesn’t dig meditation that much.  

Is that even allowed?!  

For some reason, prior to hearing her say this, my misguided belief about meditation was that it had to part of my life if wanted to be a “real” spiritual person.  Like LEGIT spiritual.  Sure I could do lots of other things & be spiritual-ish...but not the real, certified kind of spiritual I believed people who meditate regularly to be.
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What kind of BS is that?!  When I think about it now, I laugh at myself.  Hard!

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While I do not have a daily (or even weekly or monthly) meditation practice, I DO have other practices that I believe serve the purpose that meditation may serve for other people...people who like or need to slow down to tune in.  But the truth is, I tune in when I am on the move.  Not the running-100-miles-an-hour-with-my-hair-on-fire-as-I-jump-from-one-task-to-the-next kind of movement...that’s no good for anyone.  I’m talking about the focused movement of a long slow run or a really hard spin class.  I’ve even found inner stillness doing walking meditations in a labyrinth.  

And yes...sometimes I have a huge epiphany while in Savasana at the end of a yoga class.  But not usually.  Usually the insights come as I breathe my way thru the challenging poses or learn something new about an “easy” pose that makes it not so easy any more.

And why can’t THAT be meditation too?!  Isn’t it possible that some of us are just set to different speeds?  While many people might be good at and enjoy the slowing down of a more traditional seated meditation approach (we’ll say they’re turning into the FM dial on the radio station), there’s a pretty good audience tuned in to the AM dail that prefers to speed up as a way of tuning in & stopping the chatter of the mind (I don’t know about anyone else, but I am NOT thinking about paying bills, what’s for dinner, or any other dang thing as I focus on my breathing in spin...because I NEED that focus to keep breathing at all!).

I realize now that I was so flippin’ married to “one right way” to do meditation that I missed all the ways I meditate naturally a hundred times a day.

Like when I am deeply involved in a task & then hear a bird chirp outside or a horn honk.  I like to pause & close my eyes to see how many other layers of sound I can hear.  And sometimes those layers have messages for me.  That’s a meditation.

Or when I lay down at night with one word stuck in my head from a book I’m reading or Facebook post I saw.  And then I let that one word wash over me & try to feel what it REALLY means.  To ME.  Who do I know that embodies it?  How do I express that word?  What would life look like if I more fully embraced (or totally rejected) that word?

PictureClick the image to buy the book on Amazon!
Last night the word was “unselfish” from a book by Deepak Chopra (it’s one of the 4 books I am currently reading, which I used to think made me crazy...but the variety actually keeps me sane...and I eventually finish them all).  By the end of the ??? minutes I spent focusing on it (didn’t time myself because how long I focus isn’t as important to me as that I actually DO focus), I felt amazing because I realized how many new inspirations I’d found & how many people I want to thank for the unselfishness they have shown me.  Doesn’t that sound like a freaking cool by-product that’s meditative in nature?!  I say yes!  And I didn’t have to consult any gurus to come to that opinion...which also feels meditative.  HA!

Side note: When I went to my nightstand to grab the book so I could share it with you for those who might be interested --“Reinventing The Body, Resurrecting the Soul” by Deepak Chopra (I am REALLY loving it!!  Amazon link will be in first comment)--the stack of books in my top drawer had gotten too tall.  So Deepak & his wisdom went toppling down into my bottom drawer...which happens to contain my vibrators & massage oils (judge if you want...but how do we know THAT isn’t meditation, huh?!).  Wonder how he’d feel about that?!  Hehe.

But I digress…


Today on my drive home after a particularly brutal spin class (I suppose they all are at 31 weeks pregnant), I had some much needed insights I’d been searching for...and I felt so dang good!!  So I thought, “Maybe someone else out there is wondering why she can’t get meditation right and needs to hear that there IS NO RIGHT!”   

Only you can know how you best tap into that place inside you where all the insights you need live.  That place where you know you know enough...without ever consulting a single outside source.  That place that feels safe & good & calm & happy that you can access even in the middle of life’s most hectic moments.  

Maybe you sit still.  Maybe you run fast.  Maybe you bake or cook or knit or paint or any other number of things that let’s the world fall away while you stand firm in who you are and tap into what only you know.  

If so...congratulations.  You’re a world class meditator in my book.

And what’s more...you’re a world class YOU!  

Meditation was merely the “something important” that got me thinking about all of this.  But as I sit here 9 weeks away from having my first baby at 42 with a million questions about whether I am doing this whole pregnancy thing “right” I realized again...THERE IS NO RIGHT!  Having this baby might be one of the most important things I do in my life...and I have kind of sucked at pregnancy the whole time...or have I?

  • I haven’t read a single birth or parenting book (people did this instinctively long before there were books...so do I really need to if they aren’t calling to me?!).
  • I wanted to hire a doula but likely won’t get than done until I’m about 6-7 weeks from delivery (maybe that’s exactly the right time?!).
  • I still haven’t been able to tour the hospital where I’ll be delivering (but recently discovered a reason I may want to pick a different one...so no loss, right?!).

I may suck at pregnancy by some standards...but not by MY standards.  And in the end, aren’t those the ones that matter most?

So I implore you...if you have any thoughts about how you “suck” today, use the air quotes in your mind when you have that thought, ok?!  Because it is IMPOSSIBLE to suck at being YOU.  You are, in fact, the only one who can do it absolutely perfectly.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I will go read a few chapters of Mr. Chopra’s wisdom as bit of an apology for his abrupt meeting with Wilbur & Boss.  Yes...they have names.  :-)



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Thank you for reading!! If you enjoyed this post or think someone you know could use a reminder that it's impossible to suck at being YOU...PLEASE SHARE!!  Special thanks to my amazing friend Katie of KatieTassone.com for spending almost two whole weeks in my home sharing her Aussie wisdom with me & reminding me about all the unique things I have to share with the world, thus inspiring me to get sharing via my blog...especially on the topic of non-standard meditating!!

This post brought to you by Leslie Riley (formerly known as Leslie Stein)...who actually did sit still for two whole hours to write & upload the text, pictures, & links...does that count?!  Haha!

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SUPER TRUTH: Sometimes Things ARE Different This Time

1/27/2017

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Do you ever feel like an old version of yourself has a message for today's struggling You?  Like maybe you knew some pretty great things & then forgot them?  

As I sat here pondering whether to write a blog post today (as I move towards reprising the Lead Like A Girl brand yet again...wondering if this time will be different), I found an blog post of mine.


Although today's dilemma has nothing to do with fitness (I did a kick ass spin class yesterday (at 29 weeks pregnant) & started today with a healthy breakfast...soon to be followed by healthy lunch.  Nice to see some changes I've made have stuck), I am experiencing a dilemma nonetheless...and it has similar undertones to the one in this post: 
Will this time be any different?!
The funny thing is that deep down, I know it will be.  

For one,  I'm not starting off at this new adventure at a breakneck pace worried that if I don't get started I'll lose my momentum.  I have learned from many failed attempts that started out like that.  

And for another, I'm doing it for me this time...not to please anyone else.  Every other attempt to build this brand has been with a partner.  I've tried to make it work in 3 different configurations with 5 different people, all of which either fell flat or just plain didn't work.

But now...NOW I know what I really want to do with it.  What it really means to me.  And so, it is time to get a move on (or as much of a move on as my pregnant waddle will allow).  

Watch this space for more sharing, more laughing, more silly inspiration about what it means to Lead Like A Girl.  
  • To tap into that place inside of us where joy meets focus.  
  • To know that as women, we lead in a lot of different ways & a lot of different places--at work, in our communities, & definitely at home.
  • To remember what we forgot (that our inner 7-year old is happy to re-share with us...preferably in a tiara at a fancy tea-party)
  • To honor exactly the phase of leadership we are in now (for me, that means pregnancy & mommy-dom for the near future)

Ok...that's enough about what's coming for now.  SO...without further ado, here is some inspiration from my old self to my new self.  And best of all,  to YOU!  



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Originally posted as "Friday Fun: Up Until Now..." on June 27, 2014
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​I feel like the theme of last week should be "Lost: Motivation & Good Habits.  If found, please return to owner."

Anyone out there with me?

It felt like I was kiboshed at every turn.  And where did all this catering, cookies, & birthday cake come from?  I've had temptations waved in my face more times than any mere mortal can turn down. And so I caved.  A lot.  You'll notice I'm only showing you the "before pictures" of these cookie jars & not the "after" in which they are down by half.  

In my defense, I DID ride 60 miles on my bike that day!  NOT in my defense, I used that excuse all week.  And into today when I had a huge-ass waffle for breakfast.  I'm pretty sure I've eaten back the calories I expended on that ride and then some (and then some more).  Just sayin'.  I can now safely return to my normally scheduled eating program.

This seems to be the point in my journey where I throw in the towel.  Where I let my current circumstances dictate my future.  Where I let one bad day turn into two. Then three. Then a week.  Then two weeks.  And after two weeks, well...that's practically an eternity...and I'm right back where I started.

Well...at least that's how I handled weeks like this UP UNTIL NOW.

It's amazing how powerful a little shift in language can be.  Rather than writing my story with an opening line of "Yep...I knew I'd quit this challenge just like I quit everything else when it gets, well, CHALLENGING" I've decided to write a different opening line.  Feel free to borrow it until you have your own version of "up until now."

Here goes nothing...

" Up until now I've quit when things got hard.  ESPECIALLY in relation to diet & exercise. I didn't quit on challenges or diets or programs. I quit on ME. But NOW...well, now I know that I am worth it. "IT" being life. MY life. The life I always wanted. And in reality, the life I am living most weeks. Except this week, apparently. But that's ok. Everyone gets a vacation now & then...even "healthy me." But she dropped me a line from Cookieville. Turns out she's really excited to get home & sleep in her own bed. And wake up to protein pancakes, a house full of veggies, & 90-minute long runs at sunrise. Yep, up until now I've quit. But I'm learning not to do that any more. And this choice to recommit feels different than all the others... so I'm gonna go with it!"

Up until now I've quit when things got hard.  
ESPECIALLY in relation to diet & exercise.
I didn't quit on challenges or diets or programs. I quit on ME.
But NOW...well, now I know that I am worth it.
"IT" being life. MY life. The life I always wanted.
And in reality, the life I am living most weeks.
Except this week, apparently. But that's ok.
Everyone gets a vacation now & then...even "healthy me."
But she dropped me a line from Cookieville.
Turns out she's really excited to get home & sleep in her own bed.
And wake up to protein pancakes, a house full of veggies, &
90-minute long runs at sunrise.
Yep, up until now I've quit. But I'm learning not to do that any more.
And this choice to recommit feels different than all the others...
so I'm gonna go with it!

Is it the perfect answer?  Well, no.  That answer sailed ship when I double fisted stacks of cookies because "hey...I rode my bike a long way today!"

Is it the right answer?  Uh...not sure.  Is there ever really a "right" answer to this kind of stuff?  A manual that's worked for every living soul who's ever fallen off the proverbial wagon & wanted to get back on but was embarrassed about falling in the first place & couldn't stop thinking about those freakin' cookies that tempted her off to begin with?!  I'm thinking not.

But you know what it is?  It's MY answer.  

Up until now that was never enough.  But I'm learning that MY answer is actually the best one.  For me.  In this moment.  So I'm gonna try it out & see how it goes.

What's YOUR answer?!  

For a look at where this idea started...check out how inspiration struck me as I swam laps in the "Motivation Minute" below:

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Thank you for reading!! If you enjoyed this post or think a reminder that "this time it CAN be different" might help a woman you know step into her power more fully...PLEASE SHARE!!  Special thanks to my amazing friend Katie of KatieTassone.com for spending almost two whole weeks in my home sharing her Aussie wisdom with me & reminding me about all the unique things I have to share with the world, thus inspiring me to get sharing via my blog!

This post brought to you by Leslie Riley (formerly known as Leslie Stein) & the ever growing human in her belly who reminds her every day that life is about moving forward & giving birth to what's next...not just staying with what's comfortable today.  

Ready to POP, indeed!!

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Super Truth: Being Scared is Absolutely FINE.

1/19/2017

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PictureAm I READY to pop?! Physically maybe...but mentally I am still not there yet!
This morning on Facebook, one of my friends asked, “What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done that you’re super proud of having done?”

Almost without thinking, I responded “In the midst of my first pregnancy right now...which I can honestly say is pretty terrifying!”


How can this be?! I am a person who travels alone in far off lands, jumps out of planes, hang glides in the Alps, & flew helicopters in the army for 7 years. But a BABY?! How on earth could a tiny still-not-fully-formed human fill me with such terror?! Not the easiest thing in the world to admit, even to myself, since literally BILLIONS of people before me have done this whole pregnancy thing...and most of them survived. But it’s true.

I am terrified.


So far, pregnancy has not been the peachy, glowing experience I thought it would be. I’m not sure why I delusionally thought that because I was pretty healthy & took care of myself going into this thing that I would have it easy. But boy...has that NOT been the case.

PictureHard to complain too much when this was the scene pre-fear...but oh how I miss the fairytale days!
Along with all the “normal” fun pregnancy things--the horrible nausea that no amount of saltines can quell (aka: morning sickness--or as we like to call it in our house, all day sickness); a heightened sense of smell that made me banish my husband from the house when he drank coffee during my first trimester...or showered (because soap smell...EWW!); & the COMPLETE loss of control of gas exiting my body (and sometimes a little pee)--I have also had some other not-so-fun symptoms that made it virtually impossible to keep working during my first & much of my second trimester. I’ll spare you the gory (and I do mean gory) details. But let’s just say I have ended up in the emergency room for dehydration and that for a stretch of several weeks, pooping involved rubber gloves & coconut oil. Not my proudest moments.

What the hell have I gotten myself into?

I’m a newlywed...shouldn’t I be having lots of sex & enjoying settling into life with my new husband? While my uncontrollable gas is quite musical & occasionally makes us chuckle (mostly because it always seems to catch me by surprise that my body can make such ridiculous, unexpected noises), the height of romance is not achieved by accidentally farting on your husband while he tries to lovingly give you a foot massage.

Also, Universe...I know you gave us an epic love story that is literally one in a million & a wedding held at a castle in a far-off, exotic land with the people we love most in life there for a whole week to bond in ways we could not imagine...but can you cut us a friggin’ break with all the other neat stuff you’ve sent our way?

PictureMy sweet hubby took my car to be cleaned & filled w/ gas...and this is what happened. We joke that he LITERALLY crushed my (Kia) Soul.
While I work really, really hard at always seeing the positive, it’s hard to overlook the fact that in 3 months leading up to the wedding we totalled one car, had a savings account hacked & drained of several thousand dollars, which we STILL don’t have back (side note: Can someone please tell me exactly what the benefit of FDIC insurance is at a bank if not to cover events like this?), AND my husband was laid off. None of these things were big deals individually...but collectively they’ve got me wanting scream at the top of my lungs, “COME ON, ALREADY!!!”

Especially since my poor husband is STILL looking for a job. And I wasn’t able to work for 5 months (and can’t travel now, which for what I do basically means, no work). And babies ain’t cheap. I mean, seriously. Have I mentioned I have had the thought more than once, “What the hell have I gotten myself into?”

And on top of all that, I keep waiting for the magical moment when I feel a special bond with the baby. “Oh, it kicked! That felt like magic wrapped in fairy kisses!”

But that hasn’t happened. 

Mostly it just feels like there is a very expensive alien growing inside of me that has co-opted my body & somehow sucked me dry of all the pieces of me I knew & loved (you know...the productive bits that never missed a spin class, had energy to keep the house clean, & did silly little things like work and make money), & replaced them with a gassy, constipated, nauseous woman who waddles instead of walks, takes 5 different medications daily to combat the side effects of pregnancy, and longs for a decent night’s sleep. Just one decent night..

Thankfully, I have a friend in town who INSISTED I watch “What To Expect When You’re Expecting” last night. Friends are smart. I am glad I picked good ones.

After chuckling about the different kinds of pregnancies portrayed in the movie, I really resonated with the character who had the worst pregnancy. All she wanted was the damn glow she’d been dreaming of. But that was NOT the pregnancy she got. Instead she had most of my horrid symptoms (poor woman) & ends up going on a rant about it while on stage while speaking that gets caught on video & goes viral. Oops. (Side note: Maybe i should be glad I had to stop training & speaking before I caused my own viral tirade! Haha!)

But in the end, when the baby is in this character’s arms, she looks at her husband & says, “I finally found my glow.”

Enter pregnancy hormones & my teary-eyed hope that this is what happens for me when the doctor finally puts the baby in my arms.

Because despite the fact I feel like my uterus has been invaded by an alien and I am not feeling the magic wrapped in fairy kisses that I thought I was supposed to feel...I do understand the miracle-like nature of all that is happening. I am in awe of my body & what it is able to do to accommodate said alien. Pretty incredible really. In fact, despite not feeling my best, I have still managed to drag myself to quite a few spin classes, several weight training sessions, on a lot of long walks, jogged one 5k “turkey trot,” & even completed one indoor triathlon at 27 weeks pregnant. Not so bad for a girl who isn’t feeling so hot 98% of the day.

I guess all of this is proof I am human. Even though I may try to wrap myself in a cape & tiara most days to overcome it. The truth is...we all are. Not one of us is immune to the ups & downs of life. Some of us are just better at celebrating the ups & laughing our way through the downs. Which is why I guess I should thank my musical farts & newest editions of epicly bad poop stories...because despite the embarrassment, oh have they made me laugh.

So here’s to being human. Fear and all. My greatest hope is that I leave this planet with no emotion left un-experienced. 

Thank you pregnancy for giving me 37 new ones I never knew existed.


Now if you’ll excuse me, 3 medications & an afternoon nap await.

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Thank you for reading!! If you enjoyed this post or think another mom-to-be might need to know she's not alone...please share!!  Special thanks to Buzz Covington of Buzz Covington Photography  for the amazing maternity photos!

This post brought to you by Leslie Riley (formerly known as Leslie Stein) & the tiny human in her belly who is already one of her greatest teachers.

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Friday Fun: Defy Gravity... And Everything Else!

7/18/2014

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PictureUp or Down! You are where you are! Embrace It.
Life has a way of getting you down sometimes.  But down't fret...it's ok.  No one can stay up on life's peaks indefinitely. Being in the valleys is part of the journey.  In fact, it's MORE than ok...it's a good thing.  Because it's during those down moments that you discover what you truly want.  

When you feel low, you have a choice.  Do you broadcast it & spend your time with friends who want to commiserate?  Or do you share that you're back, ready to kick ass, & find the friends who will help you get past whatever got you down? I've learned this lesson many times, most recently in the amazing group of women that have assembled for The Boudoir Body Challenge, each with her own goals to help her feel more comfortable in her own skin.

The third week of a 12-week challenge was the turning point.  Motivation was high the week leading into the challenge, week 1, & even into week 2.  But during week 3, reality set in (am I really willing to make a life change in the way I look at food and exercise or is this just another temporary short-term fix to  deprive myself of one of the food groups so I can fit in my jeans this fall?).   And life happened (big work projects, family obligations, fill in your own blank).  The normally chatty online group was quiet.  Fewer inspiring quotes, not as many diet & exercise updates...the board felt like a bit of a ghost town. But then there was a post that caught my attention, especially after so many of the group's most active members had gone "radio silent" for several days.

"For all the Dr. Seuss fans:   I am here, I am here, I am here!

Sorry for the days of darkness
I shall be back on track with stickers and posts tomorrow...
And I refuse to list the dramatic reasons for my absence 
They will not conquer this feisty southern gal."
PictureSurround yourself with people who help you FLY!
What you share in the world (which in this day & age usually means what you tweet, Instagram, or post as your Facebook status) determines the path forward from where you are now.  

When you are in one of life's valleys, will you post something negative, reflecting the truth of that moment but likely to keep you there longer?  OR...will you post something like this feisty southern gal that alerts your friends you are ready not only to start walking up to the next of life's peaks...but you are ready to FLY!?!

Friends who will talk out your valley moments with you are good.  But friends who help you defy gravity, climb life's peaks, accomplish more than you ever thought possible...friend who help you FLY...those friends are GREAT!  Find out who they are by making statements & asking questions that let them know you're not interested in wallowing in today's valley.  You're ready to start tackling tomorrow's peak!

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What Kind of Messenger Are YOU?

7/15/2014

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PictureOn the set of "The Secrets of the Keys" with Don Miguel Ruiz.
Recently I participated in a film project with someone I have admired for ages—Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements, a spiritual book that has been guiding me since I first picked it up in 1999.  It’s one of only two books I’ve read more than once as an adult…and will probably read many more times in my life.

Just like many things in life, the book’s message is simple…but not easy.  Each of us has likely heard it’s four main concepts a million times…and forgotten just as often.

  • Be impeccable with your word.
  • Don’t take anything personally
  • Don’t make assumptions
  • Always do your best.

I ask myself frequently if my thoughts & actions are in accordance with the agreements.  After 15 years of working really hard at it, I find that much of the time they are.   When they are not, I usually don’t feel so good.  So I try to figure out what WOULD align with the agreements & think or do that instead.

But it was a new idea that caught my attention the day I got to spend on the set with Miguel.  A question, actually.


What kind of messenger are you?
PictureDon Miguel Ruiz & Michael Bernard Beckwith
He said each of us is here as a messenger…to share something only we can.  To spread an idea.  To live a purpose.  To fulfill our greatest potential.  

The conversation stopped me dead in my tracks.  Am I living my purpose?  Delivering my message?  Am I even sure what the heck my message IS?!

The question has been floating around my mind since I left the set that day.  And it occurs to me that just like his Four Agreements…this question is so simple, and yet we all remember & forget it a hundred times.  Maybe even a hundred times TODAY!

The thing about purpose is that we’re likely to be living it when we’re not trying too hard.  In those moments when we’re just being ourselves & having a great time.  When we’ve stopped TRYING to be someone we think we SHOULD be and just being who we truly are.  

But then we talk ourselves out of the idea that being ourselves could possibly be enough.  We figure anything that comes to us that easily isn’t worth anything.  How could it be?  Besides…life is supposed to be harder than that, right?


PictureI am calling BULL on easy being worthless!
Well…no.  I am calling BULL & throwing a penalty flag.  Life is NOT supposed to be harder than that.  We’ve just made up a bunch of silly rules & complicated structures that make it feel that way.

Look…I’m not saying I have all the answers or even that I have my purpose figured out once and for all.  But I sure love the question.

And when I think about it…I believe I’m being the messenger I came to be when I AM just being myself.   Laughing.   Appreciating what I have.  Spreading happiness. Making every moment as fun as humanly possible…even the tough ones.

I know, I know…it’s not so wonderful to take out the trash, pay the bills, or lose someone you love.  But guess what?  All of those things are part of life.  The question isn’t “How do I avoid them?” (Spoiler Alert: You can’t!).  The question is, “Am I going to approach them with a scowl on my face…or a smile?”  THAT you do get to decide.

And since smiling feels more on purpose than scowling, I say why not try to do a little more of it?  Yes, even in the face of garbage removal, debt reduction, & saying goodbye.

What I have learned about my own purpose over the years is this:  deep down, I really DO know what it is.  I just haven’t wanted to say it out loud because it has never seemed like enough.   But am I being the kind of messenger I came to be if I don’t acknowledge it?  Sure doesn’t feel like it.

So…It’s time to share.  Luminous or lame, here is my purpose as I see it:  


I am a messenger of goofiness.  
ESPECIALLY in the places where goofiness has no place.  
Because when we forget how to smile, we have forgotten how to live.  
And we are here, after all, to LIVE!

PictureLaughing & playing with my BFF & her family.
Yep.  That’s it.  

You know what they say about comparison being the thief of joy?  Well…when I think about people like Gandhi & Mother Theresa changing the WORLD by living their purposes, I definitely question whether my purpose matters.  Compared to others, it seems so small.  

But then I think of my friend Allen asking if I would sit at the front of the church as he delivered the eulogy for his dad’s funeral.  Turns out he need someone to give him a big goofy grin if he started to cry.  And that someone was me.

Of course, I said yes (must’ve known it was an “on purpose” moment).  Because of his request, I knew that all the work I’d done to build the muscle that helps me stay present and HAPPY no matter what life throws my way…MATTERS.  That my goofiness has power.  That my presence makes a difference.  And that I do, in fact, have a purpose. 

And…so do you.  The question is, are you willing to admit it? 

The Messenger
I have a purpose.
And so do you.
I cannot tell it to you, for that is not my business.
But I can share mine in the hopes it will inspire you to remember your own.

I am a messenger of goofiness.
Because laughter is aliveness…and to be alive is what we came for.


I am on purpose when I belly laugh.
I am lost when I try to “figure it out.”

I am on purpose when I trust.
I am unhappy when I become skeptical.

I am on purpose when I’m curious.
I am shut down when I know.

I am on purpose when I am myself.
I am false when I aim to please & impress.

I am on purpose when I live in the moment.
I am disconnected when I worry about the past.

I am on purpose when I believe in the goodness of people.
I am unconscious when I doubt them.

I have a purpose.
And so do you.
I cannot force you to seek it, for that is not my business.
But I can hope you want to remember.

To be found.
To be happy.
To be open.
To be true.
To be connected.
To be conscious.

I have a purpose.
And so do you.


Leslie Stein—July 9, 2014


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Thank you for reading!! If you enjoyed this post or think a "purpose pep talk" might help a woman you know step into her power more fully...please share!!  Special thanks to Robin Jay of The Key Movies for the amazing opportunity to share this experience with an author I so greatly appreciate & admire!

This post brought to you by Leslie Stein & the number 10.  Because life is grand and YOU...are...a...10!!!


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Mommy Monday:  Suck It Up 101...Character Training for Tweens

7/14/2014

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 “Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.” ~Hebrews 12:1
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Part of my mom-job includes shaping my girl’s character. Many times this calls for me to sit back and allow her to face  consequences  (i.e. forgetting her flute at home for the 3rd time equals after school detention with the bonus of walking home because she’s missed the bus). Other times this calls for severe interventions on my part, such as last fall during her first cross country season. 

This is what I said to her after she skipped practice:   My darling daughter, fortunately for you, your mom  graduated from West Point and served in the US Army during her 20s which means I have discipline in spades; unfortunately for you that means I’m a bit lacking in the empathy department. Since you have the added bonus of a combat veteran father, you and your sisters will be taught what it means to have integrity.  We hope that you choose to embrace this character trait as it will guide you towards a bright future.

PictureLife’s uphill battles are the most teachable moments
SO:

If you call your mom at 2PM because you forgot your running shoes, I will wake up your baby sister from her nap and bring your shoes to school.

If I have to stop preparing dinner, and bring both of your sisters with me to pick you up from cross country practice THAT SAME DAY, and you cheerfully tell me you played with acorns instead of running with the team because you “broke” your leg during stretching, there will be a consequence. Instead of attending fun activities, you will run with your mom. I'm not in Army fighting shape right now, so running at my pace won’t kill you. However your incessant whining may lead ME down the path of insanity.

In case you haven’t noticed, our family may be a bit different from other kids in your middle school. We’re so glad to have you as part of our team, and in a decade or two we hope you will realize we tried our best, and be thankful for your years with us. In the meantime, let me introduce you to your first rules of operation. I’ll call them “Suck-It-Up Cross Country Style”:


1.  It’s not “fair” is a 4 letter word in our household.

2.  Church youth group will never trump cross country practice.

3.  Learning how to survive a side splint builds character, your mom and dad think it’s awesome you’re learning this at age 11!

4. In our family, if we start something, we will finish it, even if it takes 10 times longer than it should. (I had to remind myself of this when I trained for my first half marathon).


  “Train up a child in the way she should go, and when she is old, she will not depart from it.” ~Proverbs 22:6
That whole “training” of the child is where I am right now… doing my best to put one foot in front of the other.
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TASTY TREATS:  The BEST Breakfast Casserole

7/9/2014

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College Roomy shared this recipe with me 18 months ago and this is the only thing I ate for breakfast 5 months in a row.  IT IS THAT GOOD!  Even better:  my three year old LOVEs it (just don't tell her she's eating spinach in every bite)!




Try it for yourself and feel free to modify and let us know your results; sometimes I add mushrooms or whatever vegetable is on the counter!

Ingredients

    • 9-10 Eggs
      8 oz cottage cheese (not skim)
      1TBS butter
      ¼ cup brown rice flour (substitute as needed with whatever flour you have on hand)
      5-7 oz fresh spinach leaves- rinsed and dried
      9x13 baking dish sprayed with oil or greased with butter
      1 sweet onion (diced)
      2-4 cloves garlic (diced)
      OPTIONAL 7-10 strips of crisp turkey bacon (chopped up)




  1.  Directions
  2. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.  While it’s heating up I place my strips of bacon on a cookie sheet and let them cook in the oven until they reach my desired crispness.

  3. While the bacon is cooking, sauté the onion and garlic in the butter, then pour them into a mixing bowl.  Then add the cottage cheese to bring down the temperature of the onions.  Next add your eggs and flour.  Mix thoroughly.

  4. Lay the spinach in your greased 9 x 13 pan then pour the egg mixture on top.    Sprinkle the chopped turkey bacon on top of the eggs and place in the oven.

  5. Bake for 1 hour at 350 degrees.



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Filling & Nutritious... the breakfast casserole for Super Heroes!
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Mommy Monday: The Days Are Long... But The Years Fly By!

7/7/2014

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After my military years I really enjoyed running my own financial planning business! My efforts in this 100% commission job even earned me and the hubby an all-inclusive trip to Hawaii! (Don’t be too jealous, I was 5 months preggo with girlie #2 at the time, so I didn’t even get to taste a Mai-Tai). Two kids and the hours required by that job proved to be too much, so along came career change #3… the most difficult of all. I became a stay at home mom/ momager/ household executive. Unfortunately no one was offering free-trip incentives, the hours were even worse that my last job, and they pay was atrocious.

A wise mom a decade ahead of me in parenting-mode was kind and encouraging and shared these wise words, “The Days Are Long Yet the Years Fly By.” I didn’t get it at the time as I was dealing with a hyperactive 4 year old while nursing a 3 month old baby, in my new job as housewife (AKA maid and milk cow). Fast forward a decade and I totally understand. 

Now I have all stages: a tween that is still sweet, yet overcome with angry hormones at times, my happy-go-lucky & slow-as-a-slug-when-it-comes-to-chores 3rd grader, and my 3 year old baby girl who still thinks (and says) “MOM IS AWESOME!” 
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My first little angel “baby,” the one who gave me the title of Mom, turned 12 in April. 

TWELVE! 

- As in we’re 2/3 of the way done with parenting her at home.

- As in next year we’ll have a teenager (Heaven help us)! 

- As in SIX years she will be gone… 

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Six years ago she made this face for me…. She said, “WOW, Mom I’m six! Get it? My mouth is open as the O in Wow and my 6 fingers spell the W’s.” Then she pointed her fingers towards the ground and said, “Look Mom! It spells MOM now--- because I love you!” I remember that moment like it was yesterday.

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So if you’re like me today:  trying to prepare dinner/fold clothes/ wash the dishes while one kid slathers jelly on your freshly cleaned countertops, the other is crying b/c she ran into a wall as she walked around with closed eyes “for fun,” and the other one is busy dumping the entire contents of her backpack in your entry way….. just STOP…  Take a breath and a mental picture of your life this summer day.  Embrace the chaos. Find the HAPPY in the crazy days as those years keep zipping by.  

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Mommy Monday: I Hope You Dance!

6/30/2014

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My baby girl does not lack in self-confidence.

She recently rocked a red leopard-lined “fashion coat,” polka-dot heart leggings, and a leopard cat suit (complete with boa tail). She enjoyed dancing in this outfit all over the mall to the delight of patrons. Because she is my third child, I loved it. I was a different mama to my first born; she never left the house in a mismatched outfit.

I’m not sure if it’s because I’m more tired, or if apathy has finally rolled all the way in. Quite likely it’s that I know these days are numbered. I know Mama will not be her hero forever. I know someone will tell her she doesn’t sound like a rock star, so she may quit singing. I know she will be laughed at by peers and that (may) affect her desire to fit in. I know this, because I’ve seen it with her two older sisters, and experienced it myself. Yet I hold on to the hope that she will always embrace her spitfire ways and never care too much about what others think.

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Watching her carefree frolicking made me reflect how much I worry what others think. I’m a member of the smallest sorority in the world and those girls look good at 40! My reality is an under-functioning thyroid and unhealthy emotional eating has me not feeling/looking as good as I have in the past.

My college roomy aka best-friend-turned-sister sent me a note the other day in response to me freaking out over my physical appearance, and an upcoming mini-reunion. I’d just run 12 miles in preparation for my first half marathon, and instead of being proud, I was down because I did not like the reflection in my mirror.

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She wrote: I was thinking maybe we should take a break from the goal to get “skinny” and write some goals to get “strong.” Instead of focusing on weight numbers, let’s spend the next month on performance numbers—flexibility, strength, cardio endurance…” Um… hello…. Being able to run 12 miles IS pretty amazing and I should be TOTALLY proud of that accomplishment. Let’s get my priorities straight!

By the way, college roomy is the baby of her family. We should all have at least one of them in our lives & seek to emulate their confidence and zest for life.

Lee Ann Womack sings it best:   "May none of us take one single breath for granted"                        "I Hope You Dance!"

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    Leslie Riley
    AKA SUPERSOL

    Picture
    Meet Leslie.  Some  call her by her name.  Others call her Wonder Woman.  Everyone calls her an inspiration! Lover of all things Wonder Woman...including a pair of adult underoos she wore during her first Ironman 70.3 triathlon.  Mostly because committing to her own health moved her from one end of the health scale to the other.  When she started training in July 2012, she couldn't do a sit up or run a single mile.  She also thought green smoothies & protein bars were a waste of calories.  What a difference 9 months makes...

    In May 2013 Leslie completed her first Ironman 70.3 event.  In December 2013 she run a 50K trail race.  AND...she now thinks green smoothies & protein bars are delicious.  Proof that anything is possible when you have the right attitude & are ready to believe in yourself. 
    

    MH 
    AKA MAMMARAZZI

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    Meet MH, marketing and sales guru moving the mountains and delivering the happiness while donning her SUPER MOMMA cape! She is a beautiful and bold Southern Belle from the state of Texas! Currently living in the cold tundra of Michigan with her husband of 13 years and her 3 daughters that keep her days full of surprise and adventure! MH is currently training for her first half marathon which includes daily training of running after her 3 year old toddler and finding other creative ways to build smiles into all those miles. MH Rocks and is going to bring the Mammarazzi to her blogs!

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