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SUPER TRUTH:  Kindness is a muscle

2/24/2017

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PictureMy sister, the baby shower whisperer.
Earlier this week I had a thought.  It would take me literally a hundred lifetimes to repay all the kindnesses people have shown me over the years.  But I find this particularly true in my current season (pregnancy).  

It is incredible to me how much generosity and love really do exist in the world, often for perfect strangers, many times for the people we love, and if we are lucky...for ourselves.

This thought was sparked by a blanket my sister gave me at the awesome-beyond-words baby shower she threw for me this weekend.  She had worked on all the details of this celebration from thousands of miles away with my mom & a dear friend here on the ground that I linked her up with.  They had not met before my short email introduction, so a friend to me, but a stranger to my sister.  Yet by the end of it, my sister was blown away with how many brilliant ideas my friend gave her & the level of support she provided when my sister wanted to bounce crazy ideas around.  All the while, I lifted not one finger in the preparation for this gathering.  In fact, someone asked me what time it started & I actually didn’t know.  Not because of pregnancy brain...but because every detail was THAT handled by these 3 amazing women.  Literally all I had to do was show up (once I figured out what time it started).

And speaking of showing up, I was beyond delighted that 6 very special out of town guests made the effort to be at my shower in person.  My hometown bestie since forever, along with her mom & sister (aka-my 2nd family, whom I love as much as my own) and 3 of my military girlfriends (affectionately known as the “Helo Hotties” since we all flew helicopters together in the army) who have always had my back, particularly in some of my toughest times.  

And then there were all the local friends who came to wish me & the baby well, each bearing amazing gifts & beautiful, supportive words for me as I plunge into this whole motherhood thing for the first time.  I know about these supportive words because I alternately boo-hoo sobbed & belly laughed my way through them during a gorgeous Navajo rite-of-passage ceremony my sister led us through that resulted in a bracelet imbued with the love, support, advice, & kind words each woman offered as she picked a bead for this special keepsake.

Let’s not forget those who couldn’t come, whether due to schedule conflicts or last minute viruses they were NOT passing on to a pregnant mama.  Many of these women also sent well wishes, gifts delivered by mail, & even one “doorbell ditch drop off” that made me smile from ear to ear (and still ensured I stay safe safely away from germs!).

PictureMy bestie next to the Oz-themed height chart she, her sister, & mom made for Baby Riley!
The day was full of emotion & appreciation for me.  It was simultaneously the easiest thing in the world to accept & let in this huge gesture of love, and the hardest thing imaginable to let all these people I adore make such a huge fuss for something that millions of women do every day.  It never fails to blow me away how each person, each moment is both insanely unique and also just like all the other ones.  Here I was in a room full of moms (and a few dads) being treated like a queen (or at least a “good witch” since the theme of the party was “Wizard of Oz” to match baby’s nursery!), even though I have not yet done the hard thing they have all been doing so beautifully for anywhere from a few months to a few decades.  

One of the benefits to being a late bloomer, I suppose.  If it takes a village, I sure to have a good one!

Any how...back to the blanket.

As if the shower itself & flying all the way across country to throw it wasn’t enough, my sister also got me an insanely thoughtful gift.  Not one, but TWO handmade blankets modeled after my own childhood blanket (lovingly referred to as “Sattie-poo” because of his soft satin edges).  Why two?  One for the baby...and one for ME!!!

I am not embarrassed to admit I went to bed snuggling my new blanket that night, gently running its soft satin edges through my fingers (the quality of the satin edge far surpassed the so-so satin on the current blanket we have on our bed...she really nailed it with this gift).

As I laid there enjoying this little square of satin-edged fuzz, it occurred to me that my sister’s neighbor who made these blankets had never met me.  I don’t even think she charged my sister to make these two precious little mementos.  She had the sewing skill, my sister had a need, it was for a baby (well two, really...one yet to be born & one that’s 42 years old)...and so she just did it.  

Perhaps the joy we get for doing kind things is reward enough sometimes.  Maybe in the sharing of ourselves, our time, & our talents, we actually receive more than we give away.  Or maybe everyone who wants to give or do something kind has at one time felt like I do today.  So full with gratitude and wonder for the ridiculously amazing blessing that is life, that NOT being kind is no longer an option.  

Even (or perhaps especially) on our worst days, we all benefit from kindness.  It’s a salve for what ails us, a balm for our weary souls.  

Now...if we can just remember that on our good days, perhaps WE can be to others what my sister’s blanket-making-neighbor has been to me.

So today I challenge you to take a few extra minutes or to extend some much needed grace to the cranky store clerk, who perhaps has a dying mother but can’t skip work if she wants to keep ends meeting.  

Or the angry guy in traffic who cuts you off...because he’s racing home to his family before he completely loses it after being unexpectedly laid off.  

PictureSnuggling my new Sattie-poo!!
Or the pushy person in line ahead of you, or the rude waiter, or the annoying taxi driver, or (yes, I’m gonna say it) that person who supported the presidential candidate you just could not stomach...none of whom have ever experienced the kind of grace & kindness you have been lucky enough to experience in your lifetime.

What if...just WHAT IF...this moment is the chance for that person to experience a small dose of that amazing feeling by how you treat them RIGHT NOW?  

Will it be easy?  Perhaps not.  But neither are the workouts my trainer has been putting me through lately with 33-weeks of baby jutting out in front of me.  Yet I still do them.  Why?  Because I always feel better after I do.  And each time I complete a workout...I feel a little stronger & more confident about the next one.  

Being kind to those who need it most (including yourself, by the way...often the person last on your list of who to be kind to), without judging whether they/we “should” need it or not, is just another muscle.  

You can build your kindness muscle big & strong...or simply let it atrophy.  

I for one choose strength.  Even if I never become a kindness power lifter (think Mother Teresa or Ghandi), I...and the world...become better with each repetition.  

And what greater kindness can I show myself than to be a little bit better today than I was yesterday?!

Now if you’ll excuse me, there is a modern day Sattie-poo calling my name for a nap & a good snuggle.  



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Thank you for reading!! If you enjoyed this post or think someone you know needs to think of kindness as a muscle we can all build...PLEASE SHARE!!  We all need reminders now & then about the fact we're all humans doing the best we can.   Thanks to those who remind me when I get cranky & forget to practice what I write!

This post brought to you by the Leslie Riley (formerly known as Leslie Stein) & the "Helo Hotties."  Nothing beats a village full of badass women! 

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SUPER TRUTH: Late Bloomers Aren’t Late At All

2/17/2017

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PictureMaternity pics by Buzz Covington Photography
I woke up this morning earlier than usual.  I always try to lie in bed when this happens...sleep mask still firmly in place blocking out the first rays of morning light; ear plugs firmly planted to eliminate any noises that might disrupt my slumber...just praying I can will myself back to sleep before my brain notices I’m up & starts thinking.  It seldom works...but a girl can dream, right?  Especially when her alarm clock isn’t going off for another TWO HOURS.

But no...today was a thinking day & my brain got to grinding about stuff as soon as it noticed I was up.  So much to think about!  

Last night, Logan & I went to our first of two childbirth classes.  Up until that point, the extent of my research on childbirth was using an app called “The Bump” recommended by a friend of mine who is also pregnant.

Weekly, I am delighted by the little factoids it shares.  For instance, did you know that around 32 weeks a woman’s nipples get darker?!  Why, you might wonder (I never did...but was amazed there is actually a reason)?!  Well, it turns out that around 32 weeks, although premature, a baby has a strong chance of survival.  Some senses will not be fully developed (such as eyesight), so the nipples get darker to make them easier for babies to see, if they do indeed arrive early.  

WOW.  

Our bodies truly are amazing, intelligent, spectacular vessels we get to drive around this planet.  When I learn stuff like this I always have to take a moment to pause.  It’s really hard for me not to believe in some kind of higher power or Universal force when I ponder things like the design of the human body.  Who planned that?!  

But I digress.  Back to childbirth class (don’t worry, I won’t bore you with all the gory details of labor...haha!).  

What stood out to me from last night’s class was a conversation about the impact of interventions BEFORE pregnancy that could lead to the possibility of surgical birth (c-section).  In a broad sense, there are several very “normal”-sounding things that seem to be standard medical practice which actually run the risk of introducing infections &/or speeding up the process of starting labor.  And once that process is sped up, more very “normal”-sounding clocks are placed on mama if she hasn’t progressed a certain amount by a certain time.

PictureMarried at a castle in Ireland with our closest friends & family. #dreamlife #gladIwaited
One example was the water breaking before labor starts.  Typically there is a 16 hour clock before the doctor wants to intervene if labor hasn’t started due to potential risks to the baby.  Seems reasonable, right?

What I learned last night was that 90% of women will start labor within 24 hours after the water breaks.  And one of the midwives there to answer questions said she had delivered a healthy baby 4 DAYS after the water broke.

This was fascinating to me!  Why the 16-hour clock if nature generally takes its course in 24 hours (or more for some women)?  Safety?  Perhaps.  But it is also easier to maintain one standard, PLUS it involves less liability for the hospital if they take a very conservative approach that will ensure healthy babies, even if that means c-sections that might have been avoided.

Another interesting topic was carrying past the due date...something my doctor told me he would only allow for one week.  Seems reasonable since I am a high risk pregnancy due to my age (I’m considered an “antique mom” at 42).  But is it reasonable?  The “normal” gestation for a baby is 40 weeks (at least that’s the common number you find in all the cute books, apps & websites).  In reality, there is a range considered healthy: 37-42 weeks.

And what about the fact I myself was born 3 weeks past my due date (apparently, I’ve been a late bloomer from the get-go)?  Or that I know EXACTLY the date of conception (because I am a freak & can actually FEEL the exact moment when I ovulate...the weird but true side effect of being really focused on health & tuning into my body over the last few years), which by the way shows that I am actually 2 weeks behind where all the fancy apps & estimated due date calculators (based on date of last menstrual cycle) put me.  So “one week late” might actually be a week early if we use 40 weeks as our guideline.

No wonder my brain wouldn’t let me go back to sleep this morning.  I’ve got some stuff to figure out...and FAST (or at least FAST-ish...depending on when Baby Riley decides to make its debut).

At the end of the day, here is what I am left with...what’s so wrong with being a late bloomer?  Why can’t I let my baby stay inside until it’s ready to come out naturally on its own (as long as it’s safe in there...which thanks to modern medicine, we can most definitely monitor)?

I waited 40 years to meet the man of my dreams.  41 years to marry him.  And 42 years to have my first baby.  Certainly there’s no harm in letting that baby wait until he/she is actually READY to come out.  My mom let me wait...and I think I turned out pretty good (watch your comments here, peanut gallery...that means you, DAD!).

PictureOur favorite pic from wedding day, affectionately known as the "Scooby Doo shot." So us!!
Why ruin what could be an amazing, unique, individual entrance just to do it like it “should” be done.  To ensure everything is “safe” (i.e. liability free).  To meet the “standard” (which is simply an average of the beautiful, unique arrivals into this world...and who wants to be average?!).

I for one would rather be amazed & even a little inconvenienced to let myself experience my baby’s personality right from the start.
  • Early arriver with short labor...great, I love easy!  
  • Late comer with an epic labor that’s a tale for the ages...sweet, I love a good story.  
  • A few false starts before REAL labor begins...ha-ha smarty pants, I DO love a prankster.  
  • Some kind of arrival I haven’t even thought of yet...SCORE, you’re a true original.

The more I think about it, the more I wonder why we even call people late bloomers at all.  I only ever think of myself that way is when I compare myself to others (a practice that gets me absolutely nowhere).  

In fact, the place I have been the “late-bloomery-est” has been in my personal life (as mentioned above with my first marriage & baby happening after 40)...which is also the place I feel the happiest.   And ironically, the most envied.  Our love story belongs in a movie & this baby happened on our first try...can’t beat that with a stick.  Maybe that extra time I was taking was to ensure the bloom would be spectacular when it did happen.  And frankly, I wouldn’t bloom any earlier than I did if I had to change one detail of my life.  It’s the perfect life for me.  

And if I’m really lucky, it will inspire at least one other person out there to embrace their “not-like-everyone-else” life + timeline and love it a little bit extra today.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta get to spin class.  Late bloomers there miss the warm up & that is one kind of late blooming I just can’t deal with today!

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SUPER TRUTH: Enough is Enough...And It’s Totally Your Call

2/14/2017

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PictureCats...the OPPOSITE of a good alarm clock. But perfect if you need to slow down to a snail's pace.
Yesterday did not go as planned.  Mostly because the night before it didn’t go as planned.  I’m finding that a lot where pregnancy & sleep are concerned.

Not falling asleep easily (or at all) make getting up so very much harder.

And in a game of fortunately/unfortunately, I had cleverly scheduled a very early call for myself to make SURE I was up and ready for spin class (it’s own version of hilarity as I begin to bear a striking resemblance to Ms. Gulch from the Wizard of Oz the moment I climb on my bike).

I slid into the call still chomping away at my cereal (the only thing my stomach will actually tolerate in the morning)...and it all went downhill from there.

The call was actually fantastic.  I, on the other hand, was feeling more & more nauseous as it progressed, mostly owing to the lack of sleep.  By the call’s end I was in one of those not-so-delightful dilemmas.  Do I push myself through the not feeling good to do the spin class (and probably feel better by the end of it) or do I honor my body, it’s lack of sleep, & the tiny human growing inside and spend that 90 minutes going back to sleep instead (hopefully without my inner voices mocking me too much for ditching my workout).

I opted for the later.  Especially since the person I was supposed to have a call with after my spin class sent an email pleading for a reschedule due to a weekend long migraine that had left her behind on a project she desperately needed to finish.

It was starting to feel like maybe the Universe hit a big old snooze button on my day.

So I got back in bed with my slumbering husband & cat to see if I could quell the nausea with a few more hours of sleep.

It worked for a short while.  And then came the crackling noise.

My husband jumped out of bed screaming, “THE LIGHT! THE LIGHT!” as he frantically searched for pants before darting out to see if this was the day the kitchen light fixture was to give out & come crashing down to the ground.

In that moment I remembered that right before going back to bed, I had texted my mom (aka my landlord) about the light’s impending fall to earth.  I grabbed my phone to see a text message about my dad being on his way to check it out...thankfully before my pantsless husband dashed out of the bedroom.

PictureThe "SOS" picture I texted my mom, which brought Dad & his ladder our way.
We learned the light wasn’t crashing down at all.  My dad was just opening a creaky ladder so he could climb up to take a look at it.

Turns out the ugly, outdated light cover for the hideous fluorescent lights could not be repaired.  Or replaced.  So he took the cracked, ugly cover to contemplate his next move & left the naked bulbs just hanging out in the kitchen.  And the ladder in my living room...in case he got inspired to come back & fix it in the next few days.  (Hint: that’s probably not happening. Besides, he’s 70 & I’m pregnant...so who has time to argue about ugly lights & a ladder in the living room.  At least the thing folds up small-ish).

Awake & even more nauseous than before, I thought maybe yet another return to bed was in order as my husband left to run errands.  But something in me wasn’t ready to just give up the idea I could accomplish SOMETHING.  Even in my nauseous state.

I stared at the laundry drying rack & knew I could manage to at least fold up the small number of clothes hanging there...especially since my husband had surprised me the night before by getting all the laundry done.

So I did that.

Proud of my accomplishment (even if it wasn’t going to bring about world peace or cure cancer), I decided I could press on.  Next, I’d move a few things off the desk I am trying to empty so I can take pictures & put it on Craigslist.  Even a few things moved would feel like progress (on a task that has been lingering for weeks).

I moved a few things.  And then a few more.  And even a few more after that...including a huge tub of stuff from it’s temporary place to a semi-permanent place while we do a little redesign of the desk area.  And then...I was done.

Somewhere inside I felt a magical little voice barely whisper, “That’s enough.”

Really?  Could that actually be true?  Could these two small bursts of effort be ENOUGH?!

Enough.  It’s a funny concept.  

When I looked it up on Google, I found that as a pronoun it means “as much or as many as required.” As an adverb the definition is “to a moderate degree; fairly.”

Somehow this little voice knew that.  Which is funny...because on any other day my definition of enough seems to be more elusive.  Something along the lines of  “one or a bunch more than I actually completed.”

Talk about setting myself up for failure.  Geeze.

I thought back to a conversation with my mom about the time she & my dad were trying to decide if he should take early retirement from his government job so he could pursue his dream of finishing law school & taking the bar exam.  She said that for quite some time they’d been saying they weren’t sure they had enough money saved to make that work.  
Until one day one of them asked themselves the question, 
“How much is enough?”
PictureMom advice is the best. Mine in particular is one of the greats...Mt. Rushmore-worthy!
They stared at each other blankly because neither of them actually knew.  They’d never ACTUALLY bothered to define or calculate what enough meant in this case.

Flash back to me in my living room...looking longingly at my cozy maternity pillow through the bedroom door.  Could the little voice I heard be right?  Had I done enough for the moment?

I decided that in addition to one stellar early morning phonecall, dealing with the great light debacle of 2017, folding laundry, AND making progress on clearing my desk...I had also been simultaneously growing a human.  All while nauseous.  So yes, I had indeed done enough for now.

Turns out acknowledging or defining “enough” in that moment led to more than enough later on...AFTER a nap.  I squeezed in a 2-mile afternoon walk, learned a bunch of useful stuff to help my hubby rework his resume for a new job opportunity, and turned my 3x a week 15-minute commitment to sit down & write into 45+ minutes of creative time.

Maybe the secret to feeling like enough lies in knowing when we’ve DONE enough.  Some days that is a mile long list.  But most days it might just be a few key things.  

What it most definitely is NOT is something someone else can or should decide for you.  Only you know your “enough” in a given day or in relation to a specific goal.  Not your parents. Not your partner. Not your kids. Not your friends. And most assuredly not “society” (most of whom have never met you...so really, “they” can bugger off).

Not sure why it took me so long to figure this out.  Perhaps I just never had a quiet enough day to actually hear that tiny voice inside.  And maybe I owe this nausea (that slowed me down in such an annoying way) a heartfelt thank you.  Because suddenly my third trimester pregnancy slowness doesn’t seem like such a problem.  In fact, it may just be the greatest gift I could have ever received (minus the heartburn...I still refuse to believe there is any use to that nonsense).

Now if you’ll excuse me...I have a whole lot of NOTHING to do for a little while...and I’m pretty darn excited about it!



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Thank you for reading!! If you enjoyed this post or think someone you know needs to hear that it's okay to just BE today, while DOING absolutely nothing ...PLEASE SHARE!!  It's entirely too easy to get caught up in the madness of do-do-do (and what kind of doo-doo is that?!).  We all need each other to keep ourselves grounded in the fact that our friends & family don't love us for what we do...they love us for who we ARE!!   Thanks to those who remind me when I get on a spree of task-checking madness!

This post brought to you by the many messy & decidedly NOT put together faces of Leslie Riley (formerly known as Leslie Stein) who is spending the rest of today doing pretty much nothing.



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SUPER TRUTH:  It’s Okay To Be “THAT Person”

2/10/2017

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PictureI took the leap!!!
I started something this week that I have been talking about doing for, oh...maybe like 7 years now.  I’ve talked about it so much that I’ve seen many of my friends do it successfully & really enjoy it...yet I still never made time (or overcame my fears, I suppose) to do it myself.  Which is kind of embarrassing.  I can fly helicopters & jump out of planes...but sometimes get terrified of such random things.  It’s bonkers to me!

So what did I start?!  What’s been on my mind for the better part of a decade that I have yet to act upon?!


Sending a weekly email message.  GASP!

Why is this so terrifying?!  Well, I guess because nowadays it feels like so many people send so many emails that I worried I’d just be creating more noise.  That I’d end up spamming people I really like.  Slowing down my already busy friends, family, clients, & souls I’ve never even met in person yet.  And who wants to be “THAT person?!”

But here’s the thing.  Every time I worry about being seen by someone else as “THAT person” (whatever their version of “THAT person” means), I reinforce my own fears.  Which then cause me to edit myself, hold myself back, tamp myself down, hide myself, play small, and all the other things I have spent many years and many dollars learning not to do.  And for what.  To POSSIBLY avoid some criticism?!


HA!

Guess who’s been criticizing my every move all along?!  Keeping me from sharing 7 years worth of happy thoughts, inspiring messages, bold ideas, fresh perspectives, delicious recipes that kept me eating healthy, & motivational videos that got my tired butt to the gym?  

ME!  I’m the wet blanket, the party pooper, & the mean girl I’ve been afraid of.  What in the literal hell?!  

I would never discourage anyone else from speaking up & sharing their uniquely beautiful perspectives on this crazy-amazing journey called life.  So again...why have I waited 7 years to do this?  Because I’m afraid someone won’t like me if they think one of my messages was somehow too much for their inboxes to handle that day?!  For goodness sake...they have the same beautiful tools I use when my inbox feels overloaded by well meaning good-idea-sharers...the gloriously effective DELETE & UNSUBSCRIBE buttons!

And so I have decided not to let my inner critic (& her trusty side-kick my inner scaredy-cat) hold me back any longer.  I am spreading my wings (just kidding...ya’ll know I have a cape, not wings) and taking the leap.

In fact, I already lept.  The first ever weekly wrap up is written & scheduled to go out at 7am PST from a MailChimp account I’ve had for 6+ years but never used...and I am not exactly sure to undo the sending of that scheduled message (probably a good thing lest my inner critic change her mind about piping down for a second).  And ya know what...I feel pretty damn great about it!



PictureNo more hiding my desire to spread a little joy!
Is it perfect?  Not by a long shot.  Are there some likely typos or mistakes I’ll cringe at later when someone points them out?  Sure.  Can it be improved upon?  OF COURSE...but that’s what weeks 2-?? are for, right?!

But you know what the Week 1 Wrap-up isn’t?  It is no longer a secret dream I’ve had for 7 years DYING to be set free.  And that feels so good I am actually crying as I type this.

For me, intention is everything.  And even though people can misread, misunderstand, or downright ignore your intentions all together...if YOU know what they are, the criticisms that may come your way are a lot easier to face.


IF criticisms come your way at all.  Maybe we are trying to avoid something that will never actually happen?!  Definitely wouldn’t be the first time I did that!

Since my intention with this weekly wrap-up is to share the joy I have for things I discover during the course of my week that make me giddy or improve my life in some way, from inspiring quotes, videos, & ideas to products, books & services I cannot live without, I feel pretty good about placing it ever so kindly in people’s inboxes once a week (especially since sharing via social media with it’s crazy algorithms may be keeping people from seeing said joyful tidbits that actually want to) . Even if not every person who receives my emails loves them as much as I do, I am okay with that.  


Maybe this is my preparation for being a parent?!  Because I hear not every person in the world will care about Baby Riley’s every move as much as I will?!  Inconceivable!

So as of today, I am fully accepting the role of “THAT person.”  


Who knows, maybe “THAT person” shares things that change people’s lives...or at the very least make their Friday mornings a little better!  Maybe “THAT person” gets back inspiring messages in return with even MORE stuff to make her giddy.  And maybe “THAT person” frees up a whole bunch of energy no longer worrying about being “THAT person.”

Guess I’m about to find out.

If you’re ready to explore the idea of letting yourself be “THAT person” (or at the very least want to see what kind of things inspired me this week), I’ve created a hidden page on my website where you can check out the weekly wrap-up email without even having to sign up to receive any emails.  BOOM!  Link will be in the first comment.  If you like what you see & are willing to receive the emails for a little while to watch how they evolve, just jump over to the homepage & sign-up for the mailing list.  Your delete & unsubscribe buttons have your back if you should ever change your mind & need to make an escape!  And I promise, we can still be friends!!

But who knows...you may actually find something useful (or at least a little fun!) that keeps you excited about hearing from me on Friday mornings.


Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go obsessively refresh pages that indicate how many people are clicking links & opening emails.  WHAT?!  It’s a thing when you launch a new online thing-a-magig.  I’ll chill out before next week...a little.



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Thank you for reading!! If you enjoyed this post or think someone you know needs to hear that it's okay to be "THAT person"...PLEASE SHARE!!  We all have our fears.  Sometimes we need reminders from friends that believe in us to help us remember that we can indeed sing out & be heard...and in fact need to if we want to find the people the in the world who want to hear our song.

This post brought to you by Leslie Riley (formerly known as Leslie Stein) who is singing out today even though her voice isn't as good as she'd like it to be...but she knows it will get better with practice!!

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SUPER TRUTH: It Is Impossible To Lack Clarity

2/9/2017

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I’m in the middle of dismantling one of my most cherished inner stories.  The one I can easily hide behind without anyone arguing too much...probably because “Hey, I’ve been there.”

The excuse that is too slippery or sexy or some other thing to argue with.

What’s that story?

I CAN’T TAKE ACTION BECAUSE I LACK CLARITY.

Maybe you’ve even said or thought it yourself.  And if you’re a good story teller (which most of us are in our heads...we’ve got heaps of tales we’ve spun to explain why our lives are the way they are), you might actually believe it.

But here’s the thing I’m asking of you.  Stop.  Don’t believe it.  It’s just not true.

How could I possibly say this?!  I mean after all...I don’t know your life situation like you do!

I can say this because I finally realized yesterday in the midst of struggling with a lesson in the “Training Your Inner Warrior” class I am taking with Robin Rice (if you don’t know her, you should...authenticity & brilliance all wrapped up in one) that I have never once, not in my entire life, NOT been able to see exactly what is happening in the present moment.  Never.  

Sure, my “filters” (how I perceive the world) might be coloring what I see to match the stories in my head...but I can in fact see everything around me when I stop, get still, breathe, & just take it all in.

Visibility, on the other hand, is often an issue.  Let me explain.

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When I was in the army flying helicopters, I always knew exactly where I was when I was in the cockpit (or as I liked to call it when we had an all female crew upfront, “the box office”).  The GPS gave me coordinates of my present location.  The altimeter let me know my altitude.  The compass let me know which direction I was facing.  I had complete & utter clarity about where I was at all times.  

Visibility, on the other hand, depended on factors outside the cockpit.  Namely, the weather.  On a clear blue day, the visibility could appear unlimited (although we all know the earth is round...so even on the highest visibility days, there is a limit to how far ahead we can see).  But on a cloudy day, visibility dropped.  It could be anywhere from a few miles to “you’re lucky if you can see the helicopter parked on the pad next to you.”

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Given the choice, I’d bet that most pilots you might ask would prefer to fly on the clear, high-visibility days instead of the cloudy, “I can’t see nothing” ones.  Not that it’s impossible to take off or land in those conditions, advanced instrumentation makes flying quite possible in those circumstances.  But it may not always be advisable.  Nor for that matter, is it anywhere near comfortable.  

Leaving the cockpit for a moment, let’s return to our present day reality.

For me, this includes having a now 3+ pound human growing in my belly.  Let me tell you that my present moment awareness (clarity) during this time has never been better.  It’s hard not to feel every single thing that happens in your body when a tiny, evolving human is simultaneously stepping on your bladder making you have to pee every 27 minutes, whilst also punching your lungs making the act of taking a deep breath a distant, distant memory.

I’m tapped into clarity in a way I never knew existed, aware of every moment.  It’s hard for my mind to wander very far when sometimes I have to stay present just to keep breathing & functioning.  I’m exhausted...but quite clear & present.  The clarity I thought was always eluding me is right here.  Right now.  In every moment.

My visibility on the the other hand, SUCKS!  I mean really, really sucks.  There’s a yoga class I want to go to on Saturday but I am not sure how I will feel that day or if it will be physically possible for me to attend.  Like for real.  Not the kind of “I don’t wanna” mental stuff that gets in the way of me doing things sometimes.  But like truly, can I move into the poses the class will run through?  Today, day 218 of my pregnancy, I feel like I could probably do a one hour yoga class.  But I literally have no idea what day 221 holds for me (especially since my belly seems to be getting bigger by the second in this 3rd trimester).  

Why?  Because I have never experienced day 221 of a pregnancy before.  Who knows if day 219 or 220 is the day I say, “And now I am done working out until this kid gets here.”?  

And never mind the fact my body is experiencing all kinds of changes I can’t predict right now.  In just over 9 weeks, my LIFE is about to experience things I literally cannot wrap my mind around.  People say having a baby turns your world upside down.  What does that even mean?!  And what will that look & feel like for ME!?  My brain literally has no reference point, so how could I possibly plan for that?  Sure, I could try to make a plan (for the sake of having some sense of control over my life)...but deep down I know that plan would only be to keep my fears at bay.  

New stuff is scary.  But it’s also exciting.  That’s why we do it.

And so here I sit, with more clarity than I’ve ever had...and my visibility lower than it’s ever been.  It’s almost as if my life will go through some kind of system-reboot-upgrade-thingy on April 12th (baby’s due date).  

Happily, it turns out I never had a clarity problem.  My internal “cockpit instruments” (breathing, body awareness, my 5 senses, & intuition...my magical 6th sense) were there all along, even if I wasn’t using them to understand my present moment.  

What I have is a visibility issue.  A bigger one than I’ve ever had before. One that keeps me from truly being able to see anything beyond April 12th.  Sure, I can still plan things & make commitments.  But I have to realize it is Leslie version 1.0 making those commitments...and I won’t know what version 2.0 looks like until she gets here.  Some things may not change at all.  Other things will be unrecognizable.

So maybe I’ll just say it like it is...not just to others, but to ME!  I have no clue what happens after April 12th. And for now, commitment levels of “strong maybe” or “sounds fun but I’m not able to commit” are just fine.  When I open the window & see the what the metaphorical weather is like on the day those “strong maybes” roll around, during that particular season of my life, I can make a better decision.

This certainly won’t be the last time I have low visibility in my life.  My future is sure to include many planned changes that affect my visibility (new jobs, moving homes, maybe even more kids) as well as unexpected ones that will kick it in the ass (losing someone I love, natural disasters, world economic collapse, or the myriad other things in life I cannot control).  

But you can be damn sure this is the last time I will EVER say I lack clarity.  It is, in fact, the one thing I have access to when I simply stop, get still, & breathe into the NOW moment I am experiencing.  And the funny thing is that when I do that, all feels right with the world, and I know EXACTLY what action I need to take (which sometimes might be no action at all...not what my over-achiever self likes to hear).

Staying present & swimming in my clarity has never led me astray.  Trying to navigate the murky fog of my low-visibility current situation by pretending I know what the heck is on the other side of it, however, often leaves me wishing I had just slowed my roll & waited for the fog to dissipate.  And many times having to UNDO the actions I took in that fog. 

So for now, I breathe (as deeply as I can with an elbow in my lung).  And wait.  Because it’s not the time for action...which I am actually learning to be quite okay with!

Now if you’ll excuse me, my “clarity-NOW-meter” is indicating the baby is standing on my bladder.  And unless I want to create a self-induced reduction in my visibility by having an accident in my office chair, I gots to go!


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Thank you for reading!! If you enjoyed this post or think someone you know could use a reminder that it's impossible to lack clarity...PLEASE SHARE!!  We all have our excuses.  Sometimes we need reminders from friends that truly see who we are to help us remember that we can take flight at any moment...even if the visibility isn't as good as we'd hoped it would be!

This post brought to you by Leslie Riley (formerly known as Leslie Stein)...who took flight in a jump for joy at the realization that she DOES have clairty after all!!

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SUPER TRUTH: It’s Okay to Suck At Something Important

2/6/2017

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PictureClick on this image to go to nerdist.com to hear the Elizabeth Gilbert podcast.
My name is Leslie & I absolutely suck at meditation.  I mean really, really suck.  Horrible.  Bad.  Can’t sit still with a clear mind for even 5 minutes a day consistently to save my life.  No matter how many times I’ve tried.

And believe me...I’ve tried.

I’ve listened to recordings. I’ve read books.  I’ve gone to classes.  I’ve hired coaches (and am currently working with one now...so this is truly a never ending quest for me).  Why?!  Because so many people I respect & admire, people who are outrageously successful talk about having a meditation practice.  So it MUST be important, right?!

So I continued to think about it, struggle with it, always wondering why I could never “get it right.”

Then one day, I was listening to Elizabeth Gilbert being interviewed on a podcast I have completely fallen in love with (the “You Made It Weird” podcast with Pete Holmes if you are interested...and I really, really think you should be) where I heard something that let me exhale fully for perhaps the first time ever.


She said she’s a horrible meditator.  Like really bad at it.  Doesn’t even try anymore to have a daily practice.  

But it wasn’t just that she said it...it was the WAY she said it.  She sounded...wait for it…

HAPPY!

It was as if she was okay being a deeply creative & spiritual person who just doesn’t dig meditation that much.  

Is that even allowed?!  

For some reason, prior to hearing her say this, my misguided belief about meditation was that it had to part of my life if wanted to be a “real” spiritual person.  Like LEGIT spiritual.  Sure I could do lots of other things & be spiritual-ish...but not the real, certified kind of spiritual I believed people who meditate regularly to be.
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What kind of BS is that?!  When I think about it now, I laugh at myself.  Hard!

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While I do not have a daily (or even weekly or monthly) meditation practice, I DO have other practices that I believe serve the purpose that meditation may serve for other people...people who like or need to slow down to tune in.  But the truth is, I tune in when I am on the move.  Not the running-100-miles-an-hour-with-my-hair-on-fire-as-I-jump-from-one-task-to-the-next kind of movement...that’s no good for anyone.  I’m talking about the focused movement of a long slow run or a really hard spin class.  I’ve even found inner stillness doing walking meditations in a labyrinth.  

And yes...sometimes I have a huge epiphany while in Savasana at the end of a yoga class.  But not usually.  Usually the insights come as I breathe my way thru the challenging poses or learn something new about an “easy” pose that makes it not so easy any more.

And why can’t THAT be meditation too?!  Isn’t it possible that some of us are just set to different speeds?  While many people might be good at and enjoy the slowing down of a more traditional seated meditation approach (we’ll say they’re turning into the FM dial on the radio station), there’s a pretty good audience tuned in to the AM dail that prefers to speed up as a way of tuning in & stopping the chatter of the mind (I don’t know about anyone else, but I am NOT thinking about paying bills, what’s for dinner, or any other dang thing as I focus on my breathing in spin...because I NEED that focus to keep breathing at all!).

I realize now that I was so flippin’ married to “one right way” to do meditation that I missed all the ways I meditate naturally a hundred times a day.

Like when I am deeply involved in a task & then hear a bird chirp outside or a horn honk.  I like to pause & close my eyes to see how many other layers of sound I can hear.  And sometimes those layers have messages for me.  That’s a meditation.

Or when I lay down at night with one word stuck in my head from a book I’m reading or Facebook post I saw.  And then I let that one word wash over me & try to feel what it REALLY means.  To ME.  Who do I know that embodies it?  How do I express that word?  What would life look like if I more fully embraced (or totally rejected) that word?

PictureClick the image to buy the book on Amazon!
Last night the word was “unselfish” from a book by Deepak Chopra (it’s one of the 4 books I am currently reading, which I used to think made me crazy...but the variety actually keeps me sane...and I eventually finish them all).  By the end of the ??? minutes I spent focusing on it (didn’t time myself because how long I focus isn’t as important to me as that I actually DO focus), I felt amazing because I realized how many new inspirations I’d found & how many people I want to thank for the unselfishness they have shown me.  Doesn’t that sound like a freaking cool by-product that’s meditative in nature?!  I say yes!  And I didn’t have to consult any gurus to come to that opinion...which also feels meditative.  HA!

Side note: When I went to my nightstand to grab the book so I could share it with you for those who might be interested --“Reinventing The Body, Resurrecting the Soul” by Deepak Chopra (I am REALLY loving it!!  Amazon link will be in first comment)--the stack of books in my top drawer had gotten too tall.  So Deepak & his wisdom went toppling down into my bottom drawer...which happens to contain my vibrators & massage oils (judge if you want...but how do we know THAT isn’t meditation, huh?!).  Wonder how he’d feel about that?!  Hehe.

But I digress…


Today on my drive home after a particularly brutal spin class (I suppose they all are at 31 weeks pregnant), I had some much needed insights I’d been searching for...and I felt so dang good!!  So I thought, “Maybe someone else out there is wondering why she can’t get meditation right and needs to hear that there IS NO RIGHT!”   

Only you can know how you best tap into that place inside you where all the insights you need live.  That place where you know you know enough...without ever consulting a single outside source.  That place that feels safe & good & calm & happy that you can access even in the middle of life’s most hectic moments.  

Maybe you sit still.  Maybe you run fast.  Maybe you bake or cook or knit or paint or any other number of things that let’s the world fall away while you stand firm in who you are and tap into what only you know.  

If so...congratulations.  You’re a world class meditator in my book.

And what’s more...you’re a world class YOU!  

Meditation was merely the “something important” that got me thinking about all of this.  But as I sit here 9 weeks away from having my first baby at 42 with a million questions about whether I am doing this whole pregnancy thing “right” I realized again...THERE IS NO RIGHT!  Having this baby might be one of the most important things I do in my life...and I have kind of sucked at pregnancy the whole time...or have I?

  • I haven’t read a single birth or parenting book (people did this instinctively long before there were books...so do I really need to if they aren’t calling to me?!).
  • I wanted to hire a doula but likely won’t get than done until I’m about 6-7 weeks from delivery (maybe that’s exactly the right time?!).
  • I still haven’t been able to tour the hospital where I’ll be delivering (but recently discovered a reason I may want to pick a different one...so no loss, right?!).

I may suck at pregnancy by some standards...but not by MY standards.  And in the end, aren’t those the ones that matter most?

So I implore you...if you have any thoughts about how you “suck” today, use the air quotes in your mind when you have that thought, ok?!  Because it is IMPOSSIBLE to suck at being YOU.  You are, in fact, the only one who can do it absolutely perfectly.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I will go read a few chapters of Mr. Chopra’s wisdom as bit of an apology for his abrupt meeting with Wilbur & Boss.  Yes...they have names.  :-)



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Thank you for reading!! If you enjoyed this post or think someone you know could use a reminder that it's impossible to suck at being YOU...PLEASE SHARE!!  Special thanks to my amazing friend Katie of KatieTassone.com for spending almost two whole weeks in my home sharing her Aussie wisdom with me & reminding me about all the unique things I have to share with the world, thus inspiring me to get sharing via my blog...especially on the topic of non-standard meditating!!

This post brought to you by Leslie Riley (formerly known as Leslie Stein)...who actually did sit still for two whole hours to write & upload the text, pictures, & links...does that count?!  Haha!

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    Leslie Riley
    AKA SUPERSOL

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    Meet Leslie.  Some  call her by her name.  Others call her Wonder Woman.  Everyone calls her an inspiration! Lover of all things Wonder Woman...including a pair of adult underoos she wore during her first Ironman 70.3 triathlon.  Mostly because committing to her own health moved her from one end of the health scale to the other.  When she started training in July 2012, she couldn't do a sit up or run a single mile.  She also thought green smoothies & protein bars were a waste of calories.  What a difference 9 months makes...

    In May 2013 Leslie completed her first Ironman 70.3 event.  In December 2013 she run a 50K trail race.  AND...she now thinks green smoothies & protein bars are delicious.  Proof that anything is possible when you have the right attitude & are ready to believe in yourself. 
    

    MH 
    AKA MAMMARAZZI

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    Meet MH, marketing and sales guru moving the mountains and delivering the happiness while donning her SUPER MOMMA cape! She is a beautiful and bold Southern Belle from the state of Texas! Currently living in the cold tundra of Michigan with her husband of 13 years and her 3 daughters that keep her days full of surprise and adventure! MH is currently training for her first half marathon which includes daily training of running after her 3 year old toddler and finding other creative ways to build smiles into all those miles. MH Rocks and is going to bring the Mammarazzi to her blogs!

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