“I have 4 months to lose 40 pounds”
I’d moved away from my hometown after high school and hid my 180 pound weight gain from everyone. But, by the time this phone call came I had already found my journey back down the scale… with about 40 pounds left to lose. It didn’t matter what I had accomplished, this phone call put me in a panic. I felt that rush of anxiety of how people would talk back home once they saw that I was overweight. And… back came old habits. I began my search for the quickest way to lose weight.
"Fast forward four months"
After crash dieting for the past few months, I found myself at the same weight. So the week before I left, in a last ditch effort, I drank tea. Which only left me feeling starving and weak as I left for the wedding a week later.
Wedding day came and as the girls stood there in their sexy dresses, I got strange looks as to why I was the only one in a dress that looked like a “prom dress gone wrong”.
By this point I was so hungry from drinking tea for a week, I felt like I was going to pass out. As the cake ceremony came, the bride had charms in the cake for us to choose from. Then we stood in line as she went to each one of us to explain what our charm selection meant to the huge crowd. I couldn’t stand it any longer and started eating the cake off my charm as she talked. “Heaven!! Cake!! Oh how I missed you!!” Then suddenly, I felt the charm slide down my throat. When the bride got to me, I had to quietly explain to her that I ate the charm.
Everyone just laughed, as I tried to hide the tears welling up in my eyes.
The wedding was beautiful and looking back I realize I made this a bigger deal than it actually was. We spent the next week having a great time with family and friends, ending the adventure going to Disneyland. That’s when I realized that my issue with weight was my own. That my friends didn’t really care if I’d put on a few pounds, they loved me for who I was.
To say I don’t try and look my best for monumental events would be a lie. But, to try and lose significant weight for a wedding, by starving myself, was absurd. How absurd is it really though? We put so much importance on what we weigh, what others will think of us, and wanting to be not just accepted… but dare I say it… envied by our peers. I admit, I’ve fallen victim to it even after this wedding fiasco years ago. But, as I get older and surround myself with people much wiser than me, I’m learning a very important tool…
I’m learning to love myself, unconditionally.
Changing my lifestyle became more important than changing the scale.
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