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Weigh In Wednesday: The Bridesmaid Who Didn't Lose 40 Pounds

6/4/2014

7 Comments

 
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One of my best friends from childhood calls and pops the question, “will you stand up as a bridesmaid in my wedding?”. “YES!” I said to her as I secretly said to myself...

                 “I have 4 months to lose 40 pounds”

I’d moved away from my hometown after high school and hid my 180 pound weight gain from everyone. But, by the time this phone call came I had already found my journey back down the scale… with about 40 pounds left to lose. It didn’t matter what I had accomplished, this phone call put me in a panic. I felt that rush of anxiety of how people would talk back home once they saw that I was overweight. And… back came old habits. I began my search for the quickest way to lose weight. 


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Then came the next phone call. To send in my measurements for my dress. No problem! I got measured and decided to shave some inches from each measurement. Ok maybe more than some.

                  "Fast forward four months" 

After crash dieting for the past few months, I found myself at the same weight. So the week before I left, in a last ditch effort, I drank tea. Which only left me feeling starving and weak as I left for the wedding a week later.  


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Arriving to the wedding destination, we all took a trip to pick up our dresses. As I carried mine to the dressing room, I was hoping my tea drinking week would help me fit in the damn thing.  Not so much.  After ripping the side trying to get it over my hips, I realized the zipper was miles apart from being able to connect. Since there wasn’t a window to crawl out of, I carried the dress out to my friends and explained that it was “a little tight”. Understatement of the year! After some confusion about how the measurements were so off, I acted as confused as them. We left with the dresses and drove straight to my grandmas house. After adding a huge sash and some awkward bows, we’d officially turned a pretty dress into a bridesmaids worst nightmare.

Wedding day came and as the girls stood there in their sexy dresses, I got strange looks as to why I was the only one in a dress that looked like a “prom dress gone wrong”.

By this point I was so hungry from drinking tea for a week, I felt like I was going to pass out.  As the cake ceremony came, the bride had charms in the cake for us to choose from. Then we stood in line as she went to each one of us to explain what our charm selection meant to the huge crowd. I couldn’t stand it any longer and started eating the cake off my charm as she talked. “Heaven!! Cake!! Oh how I missed you!!”  Then suddenly, I felt the charm slide down my throat. When the bride got to me, I had to quietly explain to her that I ate the charm.

            Everyone just laughed, as I tried to hide the tears welling up in my eyes.

The wedding was beautiful and looking back I realize I made this a bigger deal than it actually was.  We spent the next week having a great time with family and friends, ending the adventure going to Disneyland. That’s when I realized that my issue with weight was my own. That my friends didn’t really care if I’d put on a few pounds, they loved me for who I was.

To say I don’t try and look my best for monumental events would be a lie. But, to try and lose significant weight for a wedding, by starving myself, was absurd. How absurd is it really though?  We put so much importance on what we weigh, what others will think of us, and wanting to be not just accepted… but dare I say it… envied by our peers.  I admit, I’ve fallen victim to it even after this wedding fiasco years ago.  But, as I get older and surround myself with people much wiser than me, I’m learning a very important tool…

                                     I’m learning to love myself, unconditionally.

                                                                           And…

           Changing my lifestyle became more important than changing the scale.


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This blog brought to you by our resident fitness goddess and trainer! Spreading the fun in fitness one squat, plank, yummy recipe, goofy story, and healthy tip at a time!

Thank you for reading my blog and if you find that this article has served you or if you know someone who is on their own fitness journey that might also be supported by this blog please share.

- Mel
7 Comments
Leslie Stein link
6/5/2014 03:08:25 am

OMG...great post, Melanie!!! I have been a victim of this mentality before & SOOOOOOO your final words!! Here's to continuing to grow the muscled of loving myself unconditionally & having a healthy LIFESTYLE instead of obsessing about the number on the scale.

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Stacy Stutchbury
6/5/2014 03:19:01 am

I didn't go to my high school reunion because of the 130+ lbs weight gain...I was so ashamed of myself. I find though that even though I've lost 100 lbs I'm more insecure and critical about my body. I have to constantly remind myself that I'm beautiful, healthy and even though I haven't reached my goals I am still pretty darn fit.

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Leslie Stein link
6/5/2014 03:52:14 am

Man...do I feel ya, Stacy!!! I have skipped some college reunions & gatherings because I felt like I didn't fit in with the uber-fit girls I went to school with (marathoners & full ironman racers). I struggled to be active & fit and never felt like I was "enough" in terms of my weight or athletic ability. And like you, when I did start to lose weight, I actually felt WORSE about my body. WTF?!

What actually helped me was getting rid of my scale & NOT tracking my food. After a SOLID year of tracking, weighing, monitoring, etc...I realized I knew what I needed to know. And now it was time to just LIVE IT! That is actually what the Boudoir Beauty Challenge was for me...giving up the "numbers" of my wellness. It was REALLY HARD at first, because the numbers were what helped me lose 20 pounds I didn't think I could lose. But at some point, the numbers became my prison. "Why can't I lose 5 more pounds? Run 2 more miles? Eat 100 fewer calories/day?" I felt completely disoriented when I stopped tracking...for awhile. But THEN...I found a better tool than the numbers that got me from A to B...my body. It actually tells me when I need to eat, WHAT I need to eat, when I need to move, etc. Sometimes my brain has to chime in & say, "I know you're not hungry...but you haven't eaten in 4 hours & we know that's not good for you. Have a Quest bar!" But mostly my body tells me what I need to know. It's kind of amazing. I think the relationship between me & my body might be the best relationship I've ever had!! Hahaha!!! We work together to make sure I feel good...regardless of what the numbers say (actually, I haven't tracked food or weighed myself since last September...so who knows what the numbers say?!).

Not sure if this helps or not, but for some reason your words resonated with me & where I was when the BBC started. Thought maybe this might inspire or reframe for you. If not...no worries. Just know that I adore you to bits...JUST LIKE YOU ARE!!!!! :-)

--Leslie

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Jen
6/5/2014 04:16:22 am

This was very powerful! I am currently stressing about "losing 10 lbs" before I go on vacation….on wednesday! But I am going to change my mindset, remind myself that I will be on a beach surrounded by amazing people that care more about having a great time in an wonderful place, then if I think my bathing suit is a little too tight!

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Leslie Stein link
6/5/2014 06:24:49 am

AHHHH...love it Jen! Isn't it great when the Universe gives us a timely message & saves our sanity?! Like, "Hey...you don't have to lose weight & no one but you cares that much anyway. Feel free to just GO & ENJOY your vacation!!!" May this be just the message you need to give yourself a free pass to JUST...HAVE...FUN!!!!!! :-)

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Denen link
6/5/2014 04:40:11 am

You totally nailed it with the line about wanting to be envied. My 20th high school reunion is in about 6 weeks and I admit, I'm obsessing over what to wear to hide the weight I've gained so people won't notice. But of course I've gained weight. It's been 20 years! I've also gained an amazing husband, a college degree, a law degree, amazing jobs, and now I'm a Professional Life Coach! I love my life. I'm a totally different person on the inside so why do I need to look like my high school self on the outside? I'm an intelligent person but it is so stupid that I tie my self-worth to my weight. Thank you for writing this post.

(P.S. I did the same thing once and took diuretics for a week before the wedding and even then could barely squeeze into my dress even with the tightest spanx I could find!)

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Leslie Stein link
6/5/2014 06:29:13 am

And this is why I love you, Denen!!!! So empowering to see ourselves in others' stories & say, "Wait a minute...I don't have to do that to myself too!! Thank you for the lesson...and now I will just ease up on myself!"

What really resonated with me was that you said, "I have gained an amazing husband, a college degree, a law degree, amazing jobs, and now I'm a Professional Life Coach! I love my life. I'm a totally different person on the inside so why do I need to look like my high school self on the outside?" UH...YEAH!!!! You totally hit home with that comment! Now I want to celebrate all I've gained + who I have become. Thanks, Wonder Woman! ;-)

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    Leslie Riley
    AKA SUPERSOL

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    Meet Leslie.  Some  call her by her name.  Others call her Wonder Woman.  Everyone calls her an inspiration! Lover of all things Wonder Woman...including a pair of adult underoos she wore during her first Ironman 70.3 triathlon.  Mostly because committing to her own health moved her from one end of the health scale to the other.  When she started training in July 2012, she couldn't do a sit up or run a single mile.  She also thought green smoothies & protein bars were a waste of calories.  What a difference 9 months makes...

    In May 2013 Leslie completed her first Ironman 70.3 event.  In December 2013 she run a 50K trail race.  AND...she now thinks green smoothies & protein bars are delicious.  Proof that anything is possible when you have the right attitude & are ready to believe in yourself. 
    

    MH 
    AKA MAMMARAZZI

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    Meet MH, marketing and sales guru moving the mountains and delivering the happiness while donning her SUPER MOMMA cape! She is a beautiful and bold Southern Belle from the state of Texas! Currently living in the cold tundra of Michigan with her husband of 13 years and her 3 daughters that keep her days full of surprise and adventure! MH is currently training for her first half marathon which includes daily training of running after her 3 year old toddler and finding other creative ways to build smiles into all those miles. MH Rocks and is going to bring the Mammarazzi to her blogs!

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