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Afraid To Be Beautiful

5/30/2014

19 Comments

 
PictureIs it better to be "good" than a "sexy little devil?"
I spent the past week with 4 of the most amazing women on the planet. Each brilliant, dynamic, & deeply soulful in her own way. Lots of cross over & similarities... but also a wonderful mix of differences that helped us grow each other in our desire to serve the world. 

I came here because I am all about leadership. Not in the traditional sense, but in a new way of thinking about & looking at leadership. I believe everyone is a leader. AND... I have a hard time being a leader myself.  

Leadership can be scary. When I do something I feel strongly about that someone disagrees with, I get criticized, which is no fun at all. In fact it has happened recently and made me pull back from who I am as a leader. Whispering truths instead of shouting them. Editing myself instead of letting my words & ideas flow. Hog tying my inner leader & throwing her in a  closet to wait out the criticism.

PictureWhy be embarrassed!? I am the master of GOOF!
But the criticism isn't stopping. In fact, I think I've joined the band wagon. In order to not be seen as  an arrogant, self-righteous know-it-all, I have spent more time highlighting my mistakes, sharing my flaws, and dimming my light to make sure the nay-sayers don't get any more annoyed.

While I'm not sure what the nay-sayers are thinking post light-dimming, I do know I've annoyed another group...the people who love me. The people who want me to shine bright & share what I know. The people who accept my flaws, acknowledge my mistakes & know that behind them lays depth, wisdom, & something else I've been wary of sharing. My beauty.

Does it get more arrogant than to say I am beautiful?  Good heavens... what a jack ass, right?

Wrong.

Because if all I do is share the other side of me--my goofy, silly, who-needs-make-up-or-a-hairbrush side--I am in essence saying beauty doesn't matter. That it's not ok. That people who strive to be beautiful, both on the inside & outside, are somehow less than those who are willing to be vulnerable & share their flaws.

I realized that once I have become really good at something (like sharing my goofy, silly, flaw-ridden self), it is no longer vulnerable to do so. Now it's second nature.  

What would be really vulnerable is to admit that when I stand in front of the mirror... I like who I see. That I love my long shiny hair & full pouty lips. That I think I have a cute butt and great legs. That my B-cup boobs make me really, really happy because I can go bra-optional & not worry how they look. That for the first time in my life, I am super proud of how I look in a bikini.

It's far more vulnerable for me to share a picture of me looking sexy & desirable at 39 than it is to show a collage of my make-up removal gone awry (which I took pictures of, for goodness sake!!).  Being goofy has become my protection mechanism.  

PictureScared to be seen this way... what will people think?
No one wants to hurt a harmless goofball.  

But lots of women find their "inner mean girl" and start a "who does that bitch think she is?" dialogue when a beautiful woman walks in the room. I know because I've done it. And I also know because I've been hurt by it.

So I wrapped myself in a sea of goofy costumes, silly faces, & things many people find outlandish. They would never do it, so they call me brave. It might have been when I started & didn't know how it would go over. But now I do it all the time... so I am not sure it's brave anymore.

Leadership isn't about being comfortable (which I totally am in my silly, goofy, crazy mode). Leadership is risking discomfort for a bigger conversation. It's opening up to the possibility that someone might unleash her inner mean girl on me... but knowing the risk is worth it if owning my beauty, my brilliance, & my light encourages even one other woman to do the same.

I will keep claiming, being, & doing the things I am comfortable with... mostly because I think the world needs them. But as of today, I am declaring my intention to claim the stuff that scares the crap out of me too. My beauty. My power. My brilliance. Not out of arrogance... but out of service. 



Because if I'm scared to do it, someone else is too. And maybe seeing this post will inspire her to claim her own utter freaking AMAZINGNESS!!


My Scary as Hell Leadership Declaration
I love myself.
I love my life.
I love my body just as it is.
I am beautiful.
I am powerful.
I am sexy.
I am desirable.
I am brilliant.
I inspire people.
I spread joy & delight.
I am a shining light.
I make the world a better place just by being me.

Picture
Thank you for reading!! If you enjoyed this post or think this declaration might help a woman you know claim her beauty, brilliance, power, or more...please share!!  Special thanks to Stacie Frazier of Haute Shots Beauty & Boudoir Photography for helping me find the outer beauty that matches what I know to be my inner beauty.  I cannot recommend her work highly enough!!!

This post brought to you by Leslie Stein & the number 10.  Because YOU...are...a...10!!!
19 Comments
Logan Riley link
5/30/2014 03:30:19 am

WONDER(ful)

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Leslie Stein link
5/30/2014 10:12:50 am

Thank you, Logan...you always know just how to say thing! :-)

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Gratitude...
12/30/2019 03:07:57 am

I found this after fear of this same thing hit me hard. See I'm expanding myself and I posted some intelligent research that exposed my writing for the first time publicly. I did this alongside a beautiful model worthy photo of myself. I normally don't dress up too much these days. I realized I wasn't sharing out of this same fear of being seen as vain, intimidating, and unlikeable. THANK YOU for voicing this out loud years ago for me to read today. Your image is gorgeous.

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Sonya link
5/30/2014 01:51:52 pm

Leslie,
From the moment I met you I saw your beauty inside and out. You speak words that cry out of my soul and you have inspired me to claim my whole self as well. ..Thank you....so much love.

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Leslie Stein link
6/1/2014 04:05:48 am

Wow...thank you for your words, Sonya!! I was so moved by them I actually forgot my name for a second & typed yours in the "Name" box as I started to write this comment! I know there is nothing scarier than claiming your whole self...especially if parts of you have been criticized or torn down by others. But know this...I am here to celebrate ALL of you! Not just the "good parts...but also the parts we often label as "bad" or "ugly." They each exist for a reason. And when we claim all of ourselves, we start to know that. I became thankful for my inner bitch when I saw she was partly a protector of my softer side. I claimed my beauty when I saw there were so many women out there who could not see their own. I am still working on claiming lots of parts of me...but this felt like a good start! So happy to have you on this journey with me! :-)

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Holly link
5/30/2014 02:41:31 pm

Absolutely. I am on the same journey- having had my beauty used as "permission" for an obsession and rape, then as a sort of "apologetic"- the fear of being beautiful is so strong in me, I can't even describe it. But I don't WANT to be afraid to let people know I feel sexy, now, I feel feminine and I DO NOT feel that it's any sort of permission- it's just part of who I am and you are absolutely right. This is just something I could have written, because I have thought about it quite a lot- what a sense of empowerment and beauty we could all have if we just let go and be. :)

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Leslie Stein link
6/1/2014 04:10:06 am

Holly--your words give me chills! You are so right. Our beauty, sexiness, and desirability are NOT permission for anyone to cross boundaries they have not been invited to cross.

Part of my desire to write this was from an experience in the last few weeks where a man was very clear he was enamored with me & for the first time, instead of shrinking away like I would in the past, I said thank you (and truly meant it...it felt good to be seen in that way) and then set very clear boundaries...which he totally respected. It was like no other experience I've ever had. I realized I can be beautiful, sexy & all the rest, get the attention, and STILL set very clear boundaries whilst celebrating the exchange.

I wish you all the empowerment claiming your beauty brings!!!! Much love to you & so happy to have you on this journey with me! :-)

Reply
Stacy Hicks
5/30/2014 04:08:25 pm

I love this post for so many reasons.

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Leslie Stein link
6/1/2014 04:13:00 am

Thank you, Stacy!! You have always been beautiful since I've known you. Not just in the normal way we think of beauty, but in a sense of calm happiness I always felt when I was around you...a very cool feeling to have! Love being able to stay connect on FB & get a dose of that feeling when I see pics of you with your family. Hugs to you, my friend!!

Reply
Karen Milewski link
5/30/2014 09:14:02 pm

BRAVO!!!!! Leslie- I'd love to meet you one day! Like Robin says - you ROCK! ;)

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Leslie Stein link
6/1/2014 04:01:55 am

Thank you so much, Karen!! I deeply appreciate anyone who will use caps, smiley faces & exclamation points!!! Clearly YOU also ROCK! :-) It would be fantastic to meet one day, so I will most definitely hold that intention!!!

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Jamie link
5/30/2014 10:32:05 pm

I love your silly, goofy side, but I've always seen the beauty in you as well... seeing you own it is so powerful (you're smokin hot btw in that photo)... you are spot on and absolutely right on all counts. I've been openly criticized and know first hand it hurts like hell. Here's to being vulnerable on all fronts. Rock on sister!

Reply
Sean Graystone
5/31/2014 02:19:27 am

I soooooo cannot resist the opportunity to say I told you so, you gorgeous, amazing woman. 💃❤️❤️❤️👍👏👯👯👯💄👠

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Leslie Stein link
6/1/2014 04:13:36 am

Best "I told you so" EVER!!!! Love you to bits, Sean!!!!!!! :-)

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Oc
6/24/2014 06:11:55 pm

I love your blog and the pictures (all of them). It is inspiring to read it and I praise you and your strength.
Are we afraid to be beautiful or are we afraid to be ourself, be who you are because only G-d know your real soul don't be pretentious and fake. Be beautiful, be real, be you!

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Leslie Stein link
6/25/2014 09:02:29 am

Wow...thank you so much, Oc. I really appreciate you reading & taking time to comment on this post. It was definitely one of the scarier posts I've ever shared. I think that is because I was being more of myself than I've ever been. REAL me. Not everyone loved it & it definitely didn't make everyone happy...but it made me happy. Because I was able to express something important to me. I can be silly AND sexy. Goofy AND gorgeous. They are all REAL parts of me & I am equally proud of each part!!! I could not agree more that there is no need to be fake or pretentious. The real souls of each person are the most beautiful things in the world. Thanks for sharing a piece of yours here with me. :-)

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marlena Rose
5/22/2017 08:06:42 am

This was amazing article i stumbled upon. I thought i was the only one who felt this way,
I am pretty and i been hated for it so i hid for years even putting weight on al because i wanted to be liked and not stand out. But i do accept myself now

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Macie D link
11/26/2020 02:03:32 am

Hello mate nice bblog

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Kate link
12/20/2020 05:57:14 pm

Leslie, I LOVE this post! Thank you for writing it!

One thing that stood out to me is how you justify your action (of claiming your beauty) by saying it's in service to others.

It made me wonder why we always need to justify ourselves by saying whatever we're doing is "to help others." Why isn't it okay to do something just for ourselves, just because we want to?

...Well, this comment was getting too long, so I wrote a post about it on my own blog: www.katelade.com/attention/

In my response/post, I wanted to state this clearly for anyone who has not yet consciously realized it: treating yourself well means doing things just for yourself sometimes, regardless of who else may benefit.

But I can see from your responses in the comments here that you know this already :) Just wanted to let you know that your scary-as-hell leadership declaration is still inspiring people six years later!

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    Leslie Riley
    AKA SUPERSOL

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    Meet Leslie.  Some  call her by her name.  Others call her Wonder Woman.  Everyone calls her an inspiration! Lover of all things Wonder Woman...including a pair of adult underoos she wore during her first Ironman 70.3 triathlon.  Mostly because committing to her own health moved her from one end of the health scale to the other.  When she started training in July 2012, she couldn't do a sit up or run a single mile.  She also thought green smoothies & protein bars were a waste of calories.  What a difference 9 months makes...

    In May 2013 Leslie completed her first Ironman 70.3 event.  In December 2013 she run a 50K trail race.  AND...she now thinks green smoothies & protein bars are delicious.  Proof that anything is possible when you have the right attitude & are ready to believe in yourself. 
    

    MH 
    AKA MAMMARAZZI

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    Meet MH, marketing and sales guru moving the mountains and delivering the happiness while donning her SUPER MOMMA cape! She is a beautiful and bold Southern Belle from the state of Texas! Currently living in the cold tundra of Michigan with her husband of 13 years and her 3 daughters that keep her days full of surprise and adventure! MH is currently training for her first half marathon which includes daily training of running after her 3 year old toddler and finding other creative ways to build smiles into all those miles. MH Rocks and is going to bring the Mammarazzi to her blogs!

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